Being Present with Depression.

October 15, 2023

I woke up at 6am. I laid in bed enjoying the cool morning. I was so grateful for the cooler weather. The cool air was invigorating and I felt young and alive. I put Angel in my bed, then I stripped the sheets and blankets off of Angels bed and started them washing. I hung up the clean clothes that had been in the washing machine already. Then I went in the house to make tea and share my joy of the cool weather with my husband. 

I came back out of the house and went to the banana hut. I was suddenly feeling really sad and depressed. How quickly I shifted from joy to sadness. I felt like the joy had been sucked out of me. I started a bath thinking a good soak in the outdoor bathtub would ease my suffering. It didn’t help but was nice all the same. 

I went back in the banana hut and Angel was just waking up. She seemed fully recovered from having a slight fever yesterday and wanted to go to church. I suggested we wait and rest for a day. She asked to watch something educational on YouTube. I put on Super Why and laid next to her watching it with her. After a while I got up, cut up bananas and put them in the dehydrator to make banana chips. Then I hung the bedding on the line. 

I laid in the hammock in the sun, listening to the sounds around me and being present with the sadness I was still feeling. I couldn’t shake the heavy depression weighing down on me and I knew I was feeding it with more hopeless thoughts. I searched for ideas of things to do that would make me feel better but I knew it was an inside job. Any outside distractions would not bring me full understanding of why I was choosing to wallow in sadness. I prayed for guidance and clarity.  

I checked on Angel in the banana hut and she was still glued to my phone watching more Super Why episodes. I curled up next to her and told her it was time to get up after the next episode finished. When it was over, she got up to get dressed and go play. I fell asleep for a couple of hours. It was a restless troubled sleep. When I woke up I sat outside in the sun and read to Angel the 7th book in The Magic Treehouse Series. Then I practiced my lines for the play I’m in and thought more about the program I am putting on for music club tomorrow night but I was feeling too down to accomplish much. 

I took Angel to Awanas and on the drive my friend Florence called. I talked to her for a half hour or so after I dropped Angel off. I was so glad we talked. She shared some of the upgrades she’s experienced the past month. Her wonderful stories shifted my perspective and even though the depression still lingered, I knew I was gaining clarity. I got off the phone and went to the grocery store. Then I picked up Angel who was excited that she had memorized her memory verse and she shared how much fun she had playing with the kids. 

When we got home it was supper time. I ate a small salad but it didn’t sit well. We all got ready for bed and gathered as a family in the banana hut. I usually read a couple of chapters out of the book “Summer of Light” but I was not feeling up to it. My mind was still foggy and I felt exhausted. I went to sleep early at around 8:30 p.m. 

I am grateful to have experienced another wonderful day. 

Thank you for reading my blog and being a part of my life. I dearly appreciate you. 



Leave a Reply