Tired, Good Friends, Peace of Mind and RIP Fluffy

Monday, March 18, 2024

Dear diary, 

I woke up at 1:00 AM to go pee and planned on going right back to sleep. My plan didn’t work out and I laid awake for an hour or so. Finally, I decided to make better use of my time if I was going to be awake and wrote my blog until 3 AM. I still wasn’t able to fall back asleep. I listened to a sleep meditation and finally went to sleep at around 4 AM. I woke up at 5 AM and did not want to get up. I wanted to go back to sleep longer. I thought about changing my early morning client to early tomorrow morning instead but I didn’t like that idea either. I forced myself to get up. I made my bed and went into the house. I fed the dogs and made tea and smoothies. I noticed I needed to make more juice before I left for work tomorrow. I would have to make it when I got home late or early tomorrow morning. I had 5 houses to clean today and wouldn’t be finished until 5 or 5:30 PM. I wanted to do yoga at 5:30’PM. Then I had a music club meeting at 7 PM. I was not looking forward to the day and I was tired. 

I finished getting ready and headed out to get started. I was a half hour behind schedule and arrived at my first house at 6 AM. My client goes to the gym in the morning to workout, that’s why I can get there so early. Normally I like getting there early and getting my houses done early but today I was wishing I could have slept longer. I listened to a couple of sermons on faith because I required a reminder to step into faith. I have a couple of friends I say good morning to every day and we ask how each other is doing. When they asked me today, I was honest and said I was doing good. I sent them this text message:  I got 5 hours of sleep and started out this morning at 5 am and I won’t be finished cleaning 5 houses until 5:30 pm. Then I’m supposed to go to a music club meeting tonight if I make it there. I’m frustrated that I do this to myself in the name of money. They were both had great responses. I am grateful to have such awesome friends. One friend said she was praying that I would receive peace and strength and endurance to get through the day. The other friend asked what I needed right now in this moment. That caught me off guard and I had to think about it. What did I need in this moment? Sleep maybe but that was a temporary solution. What did I truly need? Then it came to me….I needed to pray for guidance and clarity on how to move forward and I did that immediately. I needed peace of mind and to be in acceptance of what is. Suddenly I felt much better. I was still tired of course but it didn’t bother me anymore. I was at peace with being tired and flowed with it. 

After finishing the first 2 houses, somehow I was back on schedule. Then the 3rd house was finished and suddenly I was on my 4th house. My 4th house is a friends house, she asked if I was feeling ok when I arrived. I hadn’t realized that I looked tired. I told her I was tired but otherwise I was good. While I cleaned, we talked about things going in a local non-profit board we are on together. It seems that people are not collaborating and working together. I got to thinking maybe I shouldn’t be on any boards anymore, they interfere with my peace of mind. Well, that’s not true, what really happens is, I allow my peace of mind to be interfered with. I prayed for wisdom and guidance on how to remain at peace regardless of what other people are saying or doing. 

I finished cleaning my 4th house and still going strong. One of my friends that had texted me earlier reached out and asked if I was doing better. I said I was and that I was almost finished. She said she had prayed I would feel a sense of accomplishment by the end of the day and was glad that had happened. All went well cleaning my last house until I was almost finished. I didn’t see that their dog had had an accident on the rug because it blended in and I stepped in it when I was vacuuming. I didn’t realize I had stepped in it at first and because I walk backwards when vacuuming in order to not leave footprints. I got it all over the rug and ran the vacuum across it before I became aware of what happened. I did not want to end my long day having to clean up a dog poop mess but that’s what happened. I was frustrated with the situation briefly but the frustration left me quickly and I felt calm about things. I cleaned off my shoe, then told my clients what happened and started cleaning it up. The man of the house got his carpet cleaner and finished cleaning the carpet with it. Then he helped me get the bottom plate off the vacuum and I got it throughly washed off in the sink and I cleaned the sink. I put the vacuum together and I was back in business. 

I finished cleaning at around 4:30 PM and I was glad I was done cleaning for the day. My clients were sitting outside on the front porch and I sat and talked with them for a few minutes before heading home. I decided I was not staying in town to go to yoga class or music club. I was going straight home. I was exhausted and could barely keep my eyes open on the drive. 

When I arrived home, I came inside and Christopher was juicing pineapple. I was relieved that I didn’t have to make juice and I told him thank you. First thing he told me was our cat Fluffy had gotten ran over, he found her on the road that morning. I felt like the wind had gotten knocked out of me. We all know that our farm cats don’t last long and they are definitely necessary to keep the rats and mice cleared out. Our neighbor across the highway who doesn’t have cats is always having a mouse problem. Usually our farm cats disappear and are never seen again so we try not to get too attached. With Fluffy though, we were all really attached to her. We got her when she was so tiny she had to be bottle fed and she and Little Bit were babies together. I could have kept her as in indoor cat but I’ve never felt right about doing keeping my cats indoors. With my love of being outside, I don’t have it in me to have an animal that never gets to go outside. In my opinion, a short life outdoors is better than a long life indoors. This is in no way a judgment for those who have indoor cats. I respect people who feel differently and have well cared for indoor cats. 

With Fluffy gone, we are down to one cat, a boy named Socks who used to be friendly but won’t come up to me anymore. I went in the bathroom and cried for a while. Angel came in from taking a bath and told me that Fluffy had died. I told her that Christopher had told me. Angel seemed fine about it, she had already accepted it since she had known about it since early that morning. She wanted to look on line and find another cat. I told her that we wouldn’t be getting any more cats until we got back from Utah. I sorted through today’s mail and tears kept running down my face. I ate a salad for dinner and the tears kept flowing. I took a bath and continued to let the tears flow. I welcome grief now and don’t try to stop it or push it away. Even if I’m not openly crying, I let the tears come as long as they need to while I’m going about my life. 

It was getting later in the evening and I wanted to get the ducks in. I got out of the bath but left the water in so I could rinse off after chasing the ducks. Angel and Christopher joined me on the duck round-up. Christopher found them in the woods and flushed them out. Then they ran down to the pond. I waded in the pond and they ran into the brush next to the pond. We waited a few minutes and they came out of the brush and headed up to the yard. Then the chase was on, we herded them into a corner and caught them and put them in their coop. I felt revitalized after all that exercise. Angel asked if I would jump on the trampoline with her and I was happy to. I suddenly felt so alive and vibrant. Getting my heart rate up had done me good. We jumped for a few minutes, then I got back in the bath and rinsed off. When I came in the house Christopher was doing dishes, there were a lot of them and I was eager to help. I jumped in and started washing jars but I seemed to be messing up his flow. So I left him to it and brushed my teeth and went to the banana hut. Angel joined me and I read aloud one chapter out of Stormy, Misty’s Foal. Then we went to bed. Angel slept on the trundle bed next to me and we fell asleep around 8 PM listening to a Bobbsey Twins audiobook. 

Thank you for reading my blog, and being a part of my life. I dearly appreciate you.   



P. S. This blog post was inspired by the Holy Spirit. 

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