Living in Love instead of Fear

Dear Diary and Friends,

Since doing a 10 day water only fast a few weeks ago, I have been feeling healthier and stronger than I’ve felt for a long time. Actually in February 2017 I got a case of mononucleosis otherwise known as Epstein Bar Virus. I was surprised that I came down with it since I eat so healthy. “The Medical Medium” by Anthony Williams is all about Epstein Bar virus and he says the cure is eating exactly as I was eating when I got the virus. So it really showed me that there is way more to disease than the food we eat. Over the year and a half since having mono I never felt strong again like I had before. I also gained 25lbs. since having mono. For years I would have sworn that it’s almost impossible to gain weight eating a raw fruit based diet, shows what I know! (It was a great lesson that showed me my beliefs were never absolute and to keep on letting beliefs go and giving up needing to be right…ever.) The weight gain, the low energy….it was all fine, it was more than fine, it was beautiful! I learned to appreciate living a slow paced life, I loved my body all squishy and plump. Instead of being on the go all the time, I rested a lot, read and listened to audiobooks. I soaked it all in! I studied “A Course in Miracles”, Eckhart Tolle, Byron Katie, Wayne Dyer, Adyashanti, Stewart Wilde Tao Te Ching and more. My spiritual growth accelerated while physically I was slower than I’d been in years, actually since changing my life in November 2006. I learned to live in acceptance and embrace life as it was. I released a whole truck load of fears, well it was more like a hundred car freight train of fears. It was a heck of a lot. I allowed way more love into my life, strengthened my ability to hear my inner guidance and embrace my joy.

Then a little over 2 months ago I got a horrible uti (urinary tract infection). I used to get uti’s 3 or 4 times a year every year since I was 4 years old until I changed my diet and life at the age of 34 (November 2006). Those uti’s were always treated with antibiotics. I hadn’t had a uti since changing my life, until now. I felt very strongly that this uti had happened so that I could finally actually truly heal from it, since antibiotics don’t allow your body to use it’s resources to do deep and lasting healing, the infection usually comes back or goes dormant and comes out in other forms of ill health. Plus the one time I did take antibiotics for a different infection since changing my life, it took over a year to clear up the candida that riddled my body. I did not want to go through that again. I knew for sure this was a uti, I’d had a lot of experience with uti’s and the smell of my urine was a clear sign. So I spent 6 weeks in a lot of pain trying many many things and making sure it did not turn into a kidney infection. This whole time my inner guidance (the part of me that just knows…I call it the Holy Spirit) was telling me to do a water only fast. I didn’t want to!! I was going to heal without doing a water only fast and that was that! So after 6 weeks of trying each thing for a week or two at a time; essential oils, watermelon only, cranberry juice, d-mannose,  lemon water and all the other things I can’t remember, I said “fine, inner guidance system, you win!” I still wanted to do things my way so I did a 24 hour dry fast, after all that is equal to 3 days of a water only fast, that would surely do the trick. After 24 hours with no food or water the uti was still there. Well, since I was already in fast mode I added drinking water and kept going. I wasn’t resting, I was working, chasing a toddler around, packing for a 3 week road trip and getting ready for my daughter Savana’s high school graduation. After 5 days of only water and the graduation being over I was beyond exhausted…aaaannnd I still had the uti. I knew I needed to rest or I simply wouldn’t heal. I canceled the road trip and decided to keep my time off and do a healing staycation. I called my friend Corrin to see if she would come help take care of Angel while I rested. She said she would come as soon as she could get a flight, which was four days out. In the meantime I hired my daughter Savana to take care of Angel until Corrin arrived. I was all set and I could focused on resting and that’s just what I did…I rested.

All was going well, I rested, drank water and went to the bathroom. I spent my time watching happy shows on Netflix, reading and listening to audiobooks. Each day I felt like the uti was gone at times only to have the burning sensation return off and on. On day 10 Corrin sent me a link to an interview with a woman named Anita Moorjani. I listened to the interview and immediately bought her audiobook “Dying To Be Me”. I listened to her amazing story of coming back from near death having stage 4 cancer and completely healing herself. She saw that all she needed was to be love in order to heal and that fear is what caused her sickness. She didn’t change her diet or exercise routine, she simply chose love. I had so much clarity from fasting that I understood exactly what she was talking about and how to do it. I didn’t need to fast anymore. I could heal myself the rest of the way without fasting. I also had clarity on not eating an all raw diet anymore. This went against everything I had studied and learned about getting the most nutrients and energy from food, but I was done being logical, I was in full mode of only listening to my body. That is how I changed my life in the first place. I ate what made my body feel good. A raw diet worked for me for 12 years, now my body was telling me something different. I was going to add in steamed veggies, wild rice, beans and lentils. I had complete clarity on this and was very very excited to be giving myself permission to eat foods that were not all raw. I had clarity about not focusing on positive thinking anymore. I was going to simply be real, real, real. When negative feelings or emotions come up, I don’t try to override them anymore. I look straight at them, accept them and ask them what they are fearful of…once I see the fear, then I see the illusion, love and joy flows back in effortlessly. I also had clarity about changing the name of my website. I no longer wanted to focus mostly on food and crazybananalady just didn’t feel right anymore. I wanted to focus on love and joy. So it became! I love, love, love it!!!

It was time to break my fast. Yay!! I was more than ready! I blended up some watermelon and sipped 16oz. of blended watermelon that day. The next day I sipped 16oz. every 4 hours. I could feel my strength slowly returning and the uti was gone. The next day I sipped watermelon throughout the day and felt strong enough to go to the store. At the store I tried walking but ended up getting one of those zippy motorized shopping carts that I could sit in…lol…I had no idea how fun they could be and Angel thought it was the best thing ever. The day after that I felt even stronger. I was able to drive to the airport to pick up my friend Corrin. It was really great to have her here! By the 2nd day she was here I was almost back to my normal strength, so instead of her coming here to help me, it became a visit of bonding and friendship. She was of course very helpful as well in so very many ways. She stayed 10 days and we had a wonderful time.

One of the main things I’ve noticed since breaking my fast is that now I am back to being as strong as I was before I came down with mono. I actually feel even stronger. I went on a 13 mile bicycle ride with Angel today and I could have easily gone for longer. I haven’t gone on a bicycle ride that long since Angel was a baby. I am loving my new diet. For breakfast I have 32oz. of green juice…2 cucumbers, 4 carrots, 3 apples, 1/8 jalapeño, a small piece of ginger, 5 stalks of celery and a lemon. For lunch I have either fruit or a salad. For dinner I have a light cooked meal with lots and lots of steamed collards or kale. Those thick dark greens are hitting the spot. I am losing weight, I feel strong…amazingly strong and healthy and vibrant. Once again I have learned that following my inner guidance system is alway always always the best way to go. It is really pointless to argue with the Holy Spirit because eventually I come around to doing things exactly as I was guided to do in the first place…lol.

Life is good…I’m embracing my joy.

Thank y’all for being a part of my life.



4 Replies to “Living in Love instead of Fear”

  1. Wow Victoria!!! That’s an amazing story!!! And I am glad you are doing well and trying new things, following your inner guidance. I also am happy that you are able to be more flexible and still be well. You have taught me that not everything is absolute and that you can recover from just about anything when you put your mind to it and follow your intuition! For me, meditating 🧘🏽‍♂️ everyday is healing me through the energy of peace ✌️I am grateful for your guidance. My intuition is telling me to be patient with myself, and I am learning to wait for the right time to recover fully.

    1. Thank you for your wonderful comment. I am so impressed with you and how quickly you learned to follow your inner guidance. You go!!

  2. Very well said, as always, an inspiration to many. Love it, love it, love it! So much to learn, so little time. There are so many blessings that await those who trust and are lead by the absolute, all powerful, all knowing, comforter, intercessor, consoler, divine Spirit known as the Paraclete.

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