Fears, Flowers, Anger, Love, Frustration and a lot of Prayer

Thursday June 6, 2024

Dear Diary,

I woke up at 6 am. I had slept deeply. I wrote my blog and posted it. I let out the kittens, chickens, ducks and geese and put fresh water in their kiddie pool. I went in the house, greeted Christopher and made my tea. I played fetch with Bits for a while. Then I noticed he had bumps underneath his neck when I was petting him. I looked and I could see that he had demodectic mange again. I rubbed him down in coconut oil mixed with permethrin and planned to stop at the vet in Lexington to see about getting him some flea pills. 

I went back out to the banana hut and woke Angel up. I stripped the sheets off of my bed and hung up laundry on the line. I blended up a honeydew melon and put it in a 32 oz. jar. Then I made a smoothie of 10 bananas, half a quart bag of frozen grapes, homemade almond milk and fresh pineapple juice. It made 64 oz. plus 32 oz. 

I packed it all in the cooler and put it in the truck. I fed the compost to the birds and fed the kittens on their feeder. Christopher built a platform up in a tree so the cats can eat without the dogs being able to get at it, we call it the cat feeder. If I feed the kittens on there before I leave, I can drive out of the driveway while they are eating and they won’t be at risk of getting ran over. 

We arrived at Angel’s horse riding camp right on time. I dropped Angel off and headed to Rockdale to get Ms. M. On the way through Lexington, I stopped at the vets and got a years worth of flea pills for Bits and a years worth of flea pills for Healer. Our other 2 dogs have to be seen by the vet in order to get flea pills for them. The flea pills are not cheap and cost $250 per dog for a year’s worth. My lack of money fears reared their ugly heads. I immediately prayed and was reminded once again that I always have everything I need. It’s ok to use up some of my savings, it will get replenished. It’s all an ebb and flow. I breathed deeply and stepped into faith. 

I picked up Ms. M and since I didn’t have any kids today, I had scheduled a cleaning for my friend Kim. Ms. M did her crossword puzzles and watched a nature show while I cleaned. She was happy sitting there doing her thing with Little Bit cuddled up next to her. She calls Bits her cat/dog. Kim’s husband was there and I chatted a little with him. Kim came home right as I finished up and we talked a few minutes. They gave me an igloo dig house that their dog Chance didn’t like and her husband helped me load it in the truck. They also gave me some tortilla for Christopher. I told her she didn’t have to pay me for cleaning since they’d given me the dog house and tortillas. We all felt like it was a good trade. 

I took Ms. M to get her hair done and since we had extra time, I drove the backroads there. Everything is so green from all the rain we’ve had and there are a lot of flowers blooming. Primrose, Black-eyed Susans, Blanket Flowers, Spiderwort, American Beauty Berry, Herbwilliam, Texas Bluebells, Daisy’s, Meadow Pink, Tickseed, Horsemint, Wild Sunflowers and Partridge Pea are some of the flowers in bloom right now and they make quite an array of colors mixed in with all the green. A lot of the flowers in bloom are yellow and I love yellow. Yellow is such a joyful bright color. Ms. M really enjoys going on drives and looking at everything. I drove slow and we pointed out to each other things we saw along the way. I wrote my blog and chatted with the beautician while she did Ms. M’s hair. Her hair looked really nice when it was done. I took Ms. M home and chatted with her husband for a few minutes before heading out. 

I stopped at the store and bought a hammock on my way to pick up Angel from riding camp. This was her last day of camp. Tomorrow is parents day where the parents come and the kids show them what they’ve learned all week. When I arrived, Angel excitedly told me all about what she was going to show me tomorrow. Parents day is her favorite day of camp. 

On the way home we stopped and did one of my pet sitting opportunities. When I arrived, the mean goat reared up at me and I showed him my stick. He immediately backed off and actually let me walk up and pet him on the nose. The female dog Sissy that just had puppies looked really skinny and was covered in ticks. The boy dog Blue was also covered in ticks but his weight was good. Their feeder was completely empty and I put in another 50 lb. bag of dog food. I fed Sissy 4 cans of wet food and she scarfed them right up. Blue ate his regular 2 cans. I pulled all the ticks off of them while they ate and gave them their heart worm pills. I was feeling angry that the owner wouldn’t pay me to come check on the dogs weekly. He is an old truck driver and is gone for months at a time. Sissy obviously is needing more food while she is nursing puppies. Usually there is food left over in the feeder every 2 weeks but Sissy is eating more now. They are farm dogs and don’t need coddled but it would be nice for them to see a human being once a week. I used to come by once a week just because but when the owner found out he said that I didn’t need to be doing that so I stopped. 

I walked around looking for the puppies. I figure they are about 3 weeks old now. I couldn’t find them anywhere around the house. I walked out to the well to make sure the automatic watering trough was working properly when I came across the remains of the other goat that lives there. All that was left of him was his horns and fur, his skeleton was scattered all around. He must have died right after I was there 2 weeks ago. I immediately called the owner and told him about his dead goat and about the condition of Sissy and the ticks on both dogs. I said that the dogs needed to take something to keep the ticks off of them and that I still couldn’t find Sissy’s puppies. He didn’t seem bothered about the goat and said it was an old goat and probably died of old age. He said he would be coming home for a while at the end of the month and I told him that would be good. 

I left and headed home, I felt drained from being so angry. I arrived and greeted Christopher. Then I sat at the table and did a suduko puzzle. Angel wanted to go to swim tank and I told her I was too tired. I was hungry but felt too drained to make food. Christopher made dinner and I ate a salad. We all shared our gratitudes around the table. I wasn’t feeling grateful but I said my gratefuls anyway:

  • I am grateful for food. 
  • I am grateful I am getting a massage tomorrow. 
  • I am grateful Angel is enjoying horse riding camp. 

Eating helped but I still sat there and did my puzzle some more and felt my anger. I didn’t know what to do about that pet sitting situation. I wanted to start checking on the dogs weekly again but was angry that the owner wouldn’t pay me to do it even though he could afford it. I wrestled with the situation and prayed for clarity. Suddenly I realized that I was making it about money. I received clarity that those animals were brought into my life for a reason and that reason is not about money. I will check on them weekly out of love and everything else will fall into place. I felt a sense of peace come over me and was flooded with relief. 

Angel and I went to swim tank for a quick swim. I set up my new hammock and floated on my back in the middle of the pond fully relaxing my body. I heard a truck pull up and I knew it was Christopher’s cousin Erich. I was swimming in the nude (of course 😂). I stayed out in the middle of the pond so Erich couldn’t see below my neck. He walked over to the edge of the water and waved hello. I said hello and told him I was naked and was hiding in the water. He laughed and said he was driving by to take his dog on his evening run and stopped to say hello. We wished each other well and he went on his way. 

When went home and I brought laundry in off the line and put it away. Then I did the dishes and headed to town to go to play practice. I didn’t know where Christopher was so I had Angel come with me. 

We did a read through for play practice but as it is common for people in theater to get easily distracted and talk about anything and everything that has nothing to do with the script, after an hour and a half we were only 20 pages into the 64 page script. I was feeling tired from all the emotional processing I had done throughout the day. Now I got to process more emotions, impatience and frustration. I prayed for guidance and strength and received it. I was able to gently get everyone back on task many times over and over. I allowed myself to enjoy getting in character while reading the script and appreciated all the energy everyone else had even though my energy felt depleted. I relaxed into what was and that made a world of difference. 

We arrived home at 9:30 pm. I made tea put clean sheets on my bed. Then I crawled in it. Angel slept in the trundle bed next to me and we fell right to sleep at around 10:30 pm. 

Thank you for reading my blog and being a part of my life. I appreciate you. 



P.S. This blog post was inspired by the Holy Spirit. 

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