Cleaning, Letter to My Mom, Skit Practice and a Board Meeting

February 13, 2024,

I woke up at 11 p.m. I let Healer out and he went pee right away. I laid in bed for an hour but didn’t go back to sleep so I wrote my blog. I finished around 2 a.m. and went to sleep around 3 a.m. listening to Thich Nhat Hahn. I slept good until 6 a.m. I got up and made my bed. Angel was still sleeping in the trundle bed. I let Healer out to potty and went over to Christopher’s. He was already up and about. I made lime tea and two 64 oz. smoothies with 10 bananas each blended with grape juice. That’s 20 bananas 😂! I had enough left over for a 32 oz. jar and a 16 oz. jar. I drank the 16 oz. jar right away, put a 64 oz. jar in the fridges for later and packed up a 64 oz. jar and the 32 oz. jar to take with me. I had plenty of food for the day and I was happy about that. 

I headed to town. I stopped at the store to use the one hour photo machine to print out a picture for Christopher’s mom. Then I went to my first cleaning opportunity. I chatted some with my clients and enjoyed cleaning. My next house was my friend Kim’s where Chance lives now. It was good to see her and she shared with me how much they love Chance and that I had done a great job training him before they got him. I appreciated her sharing that with me because I had worked with him a lot and really enjoyed training him. It came natural to me and Chance was very trainable. We chatted some and I shared my 32oz. smoothie with her while I cleaned, then she left and I got her house sparkling clean. Then I drove to my last house to clean. The husband was there and his wife arrived shortly after. We talked some and then she realized she had left her phone in her friend’s car. I asked who her friend was in case I knew her and had her number in my phone. I didn’t have her friends number but I did have her friends daughters number. She is part of the homeschool co-op. I message her asking if she could contact her mom to see if my client left her phone in her car. She messaged back a little while later and she yes, her mom had my clients phone and would bring it to her later. I told my client that her phone had been found and would be brought to her later. She was surprised I found it and I told her how I did it. I love small towns and I was glad I was able to track her phone down for her. My client and her husband left to get something to eat and I finished cleaning. 

Before heading home, I stopped and picked up a check from one of the businesses I clean. I chatted with the lady at the front desk and gave her encouraging words for something she was worried about. I went to the store to get the printed out photo from the one hour photo place. I was super hungry and realized I hadn’t drank my other smoothie I brought with me. I drank the whole 64 oz. on the drive home. When I arrived home I was planning on juicing all those strawberries I had gotten yesterday but Christopher surprised me and had it all day. I was very thankful for that. Now I could have a relaxing afternoon before going to skit practice and a board meeting in the evening. I made myself a big salad and saved half of it for tomorrow. Christopher left to go hang out with his friends for the evening and I sat in the sun eating my salad while Angel played with Healer next to me. When I finished eating I wrote a letter to my mom. We have had a difficult relationship my whole life and I had prayed for clarity on how to move forward and not be triggered by the mean things she says and does. For the last few days I have been receiving the clarity that I asked for and I suddenly knew it was time to write her the letter I had been putting together bit by bit. The words flowed out of me and my heart was filled with love and compassion as I wrote them down. When I finished writing it I felt a huge release of pain that I had been holding onto. I felt light and jubilant and free. I let go of the power I had been letting her have over me and stepped into my authentic self. It was healing and beautiful. 

Suddenly I realized what time it was. It was almost time to leave for skit practice. Angel and I took a quick shower together and headed to town. Angel had brought the puppy Healer with us and of course Little Bit came. Little Bit always comes with me, I just don’t mention it often. When it gets hot out that will have to change because he won’t be able to stay in the car while I’m cleaning houses. When we got to town, I picked up the person I’m doing the skit with and went to Moon Brew. Moon Brew hadn’t been open for a month or so because they had moved locations and were still getting the new place set up. Valentine’s Day evening will be their soft opening and that’s when we are doing the skit. There will be other entertainment there as well and it will be great fun. 

We practiced our skit while Angel played with the puppy and another little girl that was there. We got the skit down pretty good and should be able to pull it off tomorrow night. Next, I drove to Cameron for a board meeting for the Milam Community Theater. I drank my other smoothie on the drive. When we arrived, Angel played with her puppy while we had our meeting. It was my first board meeting with them since I had just joined the board last month. I wasn’t sure how it would go because sitting through meetings is not my favorite thing and sometimes they drag on and on with off topic conversations. This meeting was great, even though it ran long, everyone stayed on topic and we got a lot accomplished. 

We arrived home at 9 p.m. and went straight to bed. Angel slept next to me on the trundle bed and we fell asleep listening to a Bobbsey Twin book. 

Letter to Mom

Hi Mom, thank you for the valentine card. It’s nice that you thought of us. 

After our last talk on my birthday when you were telling me what you shared with Great Aunt Chris’ children and you told me not to share what you said with anyone else. It confused me because you said we were not keeping secrets anymore. I will not keep your secrets for you. It doesn’t feel right to do that. It feels deceitful and I am not your secret keeper and it’s not nice to put me in that position. If you want to say things that you don’t want others to hear, then I suggest sharing them with your pastor. 

I spent a lot of time in prayer about how to move forward with our relationship and of course I received an answer. Ask and it is given. 

All my life I’ve felt I’ve never been good enough for you. I’ve never been a good enough Christian, I’ve never been a good enough daughter, I’ve never loved you enough. For some reason you like to say mean things to me such as “your smile doesn’t reach your eyes” or “I can tell by your eyes that you don’t love me”. Mean heart breaking comments that come out of nowhere for no reason. I’m not sure why you choose to say horrible heart wrenching things like that to me but I do know that hurting people hurt others. Happy people built others up, unhappy people bring others down. 

So I want to let you know that I’m sorry your hurting and I apologize if I have added to your pain. I can’t fix your hurt and saying mean things to me or others won’t fix your hurt it will only cause more hurting. God is the only one that can heal your pain and only God can heal my pain. 

God put on my heart to let you know that no matter how many mean things you say to me, I still love you. No matter how many times you accuse me of not loving you, I still love you. No matter how mean you are to my kids or siblings or nephews, I still love you. Even if it’s too hard for me to be around you because of the things you say about me and other people I love, I still love you. No matter how many times you play the victim, I still love you. Even if you never talk to me again, I still love you. Even if you don’t love me, I still love you. I know my heart and God knows my heart, that’s all that matters. 

It could be that you don’t realize how hurtful your words and actions can be or maybe it’s one of the ways you show your love. Maybe your mean words are your way of showing you care. (I prefer cards in the mail 😁 ). Maybe you don’t feel loved and want me to prove my love to you so you will feel loved. Even if you are accepting of the love I give you in my own way, I can’t make you feel loved, only God can fill that longing in you. Turn to him when you feel unloved rather than say biting remarks to me. Turn to God, before going into victim mode and start talking about all the wrongs that have been done to you and all the people that have done those wrongs. I encourage you to rest in God’s embrace, it’s the only way to receive true comfort and healing. 

I believe one of the reasons you won’t talk to me about my burnt leg and keep changing your story on how it happened is either because you did it on purpose or you feel guilt for letting it happen. Either way, Mike told me what he remembers and his story is the same every time. Maybe someday you will be strong enough to talk to me about it and tell me what really happened. Regardless of if you ever are open to talking about it and regardless of how it happened, I forgive you and still love you. 

No matter what you do in the future, I always forgive you and will always still love you. 

Love, Victoria 

Thank you for reading  my blog and being a part of my life. I dearly appreciate you. 



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