Dear Diary and Friends,
This past week I’ve spent most of my time in the woods. Parts of me that I didn’t know needed healed are healing. The vibration from the trees, plants and dirt raises my vibration to a higher level and because of that I’m able to release fears that have been deeply imbedded in my beliefs for years.
Yesterday I woke up feeling heavy. I had eaten well the day before. I think I had gotten plenty of sleep. I had an absolutely amazing evening spent with Christopher before falling asleep. I wasn’t sure where the heavy feeling was coming from but I figured it would pass.
The day went well. Christopher took us on a drive through the countryside and it was heavenly. When we arrived back at the cabin I ate some smoothie, then went on a bicycle ride with Angel to see some friends up the road. It was only a 3 mile ride on a dirt road but it was tougher than I thought. It was hot, really hilly and there was slippery sand in some places. I talked with my friends awhile then rode back home. The ride back was uphill most of the way. I wasn’t sure I was going to make it. I thought about stopping and calling Christopher to come rescue us. Then I decided that was ridiculous. It was only 3 miles and I could walk it if I had to. I slowed down my pace and made it home just fine.
I was feeling better after that ride but I still felt a little bit off. I sat for a bit trying to figure out what was throwing my energy off. I was trying to listen to the trees but couldn’t because music was playing. All of a sudden I felt absolute terror. I felt trapped. I looked over at Christopher and said I was going for a walk. Angel was playing with her toys next to the cabin. I told her I would be right back. I walked around the corner into the woods. The music was gone and I could hear the trees again. The fear I was feeling was huge. I started crying asking the trees to help me, asking the dirt to help me. I fell to my knees. The fear was too big for me. It was going to kill me. I begged and prayed for help. Then the trees answered. A sense of knowing came over me. I knew what to do. I stopped resisting the fear. I let the fear rise up in me. It filled up my whole body from head to toe. It was pouring out of me and I was yelling…”ahhhh”. I opened my arms and legs. The fear poured out of my finger tip and my toes. It flowed out of my head. I yelled louder. The fear felt big and alive and crackly. I just let it flow and flow. The trees and dirt and plants soaked up all the fear as it released. They took it and whisked it away. They breathed the fear in as I breathed it out. “Give it us”, they said…”we are big enough to take it on, we are here to help you”. After a few minutes the overwhelming feeling of fear was gone. I started crying with joy. Thank you trees, thank you dirt, thank you plants… thank you sweet beautiful Christopher for your kindness and sharing paradise with me.
I walked back to the cabin crying with relief and gratitude. Christopher was still sitting in the same place. I sat next to him. He simply held my hand. He didn’t ask me what was wrong, he didn’t make it about him, he didn’t try to fix me. What Christopher did do was hold my hand and give me space….perfect.
I cried a little bit more until it passed. Then I went on with the day. I went on a walk with Angel and made her supper. After putting Angel to bed I sat outside with Christopher looking at the stars and listened to the night time noises. We talked very little but when we did it was good stuff, real stuff, fun stuff and as always Christopher made me laugh.
I am.
Thank you for reading my blog and being a part of my life.
With love and gratitude,
Victoria
