Friday January 17, 2025
Dear Diary,
Good morning God,
- Thank you for this day.
- Thank you for restful mornings.
- Thank you for sunshine.
- Thank you for wood splitting opportunities.
- Thank you for sadness.
- Thank you for openness.
I love you!
I awoke at 1 am. I wrote my blog and played wordle and connections. At 4:30 am, I slept again until 6:50 am. I laid in bed and watched “got talent” videos. I needed start writing the newspaper article covering the city council meeting but I was feeling really sad and depressed. Angel woke up and played with toys in her room until I got up at 8:15 am. I made Angel grilled cheese sandwiches for breakfast. For myself I made tea, blended up half of a watermelon and made a smoothie.
On my way to split and sort wood with Mr. C, I stopped at the store and bought some tortillas, raspberries and bananas. When we arrived, I checked on my camper. The heat cable wasn’t working and I figured out the problem was the camera outside outlet didn’t work. I slid the extension cord through the crawl space and plugged it in inside the camper. I turned on the heater and Angel got on her bunk bed to do school work while I split wood.
Mr. C was cutting rounds when I went out to the wood pile. He had a lot of rounds loaded onto the tractor scoop. We loaded it up with a few more and he had me drive the tractor to the splitter to drop off the rounds. It was the first time I had driven the tractor on my own without Mr. C with me. I was nervous but I took it slow and dropped off the rounds without any issues. Yay!!
I worked stacking rounds, splitting and sitting wood from 9:30 am to 3 pm. It was a beautiful sunny day with an icy cold wind. I was toasty warm from working so hard and I thoroughly enjoyed being outside in the weather. I split a cord of wood on my own, including sorting it and throwing the split wood in the trailer. Angel finished her schoolwork that morning and spent the rest of the day watching kids shows.
At 3 pm, I took an hour long break to do a drop-in pet sitting opportunity. Angel came with me and it was only a 5 minute drive. The dogs were happy to be let out and got a lot of petting and treats. Before I left, I fed them dinner and let them out again.
When we got back to Mr. C’s, we delivered the wood to a house in town and unloaded it all which was another workout. Mr. C paid me and before going home, I finished insulating and tapping up the water hose going to the camper. I still don’t want to turn on the water until I get there camper fully skirted so the camper pipes don’t freeze.
It was dark by the time we got home. My younger sister was there talking to my older sister. Angel got on Minecraft and I drank my smoothie and ate some river and beans while I played a few rounds of a crosswords solitaire game called Q-Less with my sisters. Then my sisters left to go out to eat. I felt sad that I wasn’t invited and I had just eaten. I don’t got out to eat with people for the food though, I enjoy the fellowship. I also know it was important for my sisters to have alone time together.
I took a hot bath and soaked my sore muscles. Angel got in the bath when I got out and we went to bed. I put on a sleep meditation and fell asleep immediately at 9:30 pm.
Saturday January 18, 2025
Dear Diary,
Good morning God,
- Thank you for this day.
- Thank you for my hands.
- Thank you for wind.
- Thank you for sisters.
- Thank you for sadness.
- Thank you for everything I need.
I love you!
I awoke at 3 am. I played wordle and connections and wrote my blog. I posted it and went to sleep again from 6:15 am to 8 am. Angel was awake and playing with her toys. When she realized I was awake, she asked to play Minecraft. I said she could and made her a quesadilla for breakfast. For myself, I made tea. My sister left to go spend time with our younger sister and that side of the family. Again I felt sad that I wasn’t invited and I was also sad about my friendship with Brett. I still was baffled at why he had thought I was a person who used people. I felt sad that my sister didn’t want us to stay at her place anymore. I was experiencing a lot of sadness and I allowed the feeling to flow. I know I will gain clarity if I simply feel the feeling. I suffer if I resist my feelings and then they fester and things get really miserable if I act on them. So I let the sad feeling flow through me and prayed for clarity.
I had planned on spending the day working on moving into the camper and getting it skirted but I felt overwhelmed because I didn’t know how to skirt it and get the foam insulation boards to stay in place. I was also sore from splitting wood all day yesterday and I needed a day of rest. I had been going full speed for days. Plus it was ice cold out and I still needed to write an article about the city council meeting for the newspaper and it was hanging over me.
I went upstairs and sat on my bed writing the city council meeting article. It took me 3 hours and I was relieved when I finished and turned it in. My friend Brett had called while I was writing the article. He had left a message saying that he wanted to see if I was staying warm enough in the camper. I wasn’t sure how to respond to him. I was still feeling sadness, some of the feeling had gotten stuck and hadn’t finished flowing out. I prayed for healing.
When the article was finished, I got Angel off of Minecraft and fed her lunch. I made myself a smoothie and drank some of it. Then we went through Angels books and toys walked to the thrift store to donate them and do some shopping. I was looking for a few things for the camper such as throw rugs and power strips and short shelves. I didn’t find any of that but I did find a shirt and sheets and a silverware container.
At home, Angel wanted to watch a movie together. So we went upstairs and watched one called Ainbo. I made some steamed vegetables and ate those while watching the movie. When it was over, Angel watched another movie while I took a nap. When I woke up I was still feeling sad. I decided to enjoy the sadness and allow it to be the as long as it needed until I received the clarity and healing I had prayed for
Angel and I bundled up and went on a walk with Bits. I am loving winter so much. The cold air feels so refreshing to me. We walked for about a half hour and I took pictures of plants. When we got home, my sister was out and about. I talked to her about feeling overwhelmed with skirting the camper and that I didn’t know when we would be able to move into it. She said there was no hurry and that she was getting used to us staying there. That took some of the pressure off of me because she had seemed to really want us out last week and I had been rushing to find an rv and get moved out.
I responded by text to Brett’s earlier phone message and told him that we weren’t in the camper yet. He wrote back saying that he was coming to Council on Monday and that raspberries were on sale in McCall if I wanted him to bring some. I said that I would like some and I could pay him for them. I was confused even more about things because he had told me that he wasn’t going to do nice things for me anymore since I didn’t want to date him. Then suddenly I realized that none of his actions or accusations were my puzzle to solve. I wasn’t responsible if someone interpreted my accepting there gifts as something other than gratitude. I wasn’t responsible if someone else had alternative motives. I was only responsible for my own intentions and my own heart.
My sister and I sat at the table and we played Q-less together for a while. Then we played a board game called Squeezed Out and Sorry with Angel. It was fun playing together and having family time.
It was getting late, we put away the games and Angel and I brushed our teeth and went to bed. Angel read out loud to me Oh The Things That You Think. I put on a sleep meditation and we fell asleep at 9:30 pm.
Thank you for reading my blog and being a part of my life. I appreciate you.
Love, Victoria
P. S. This blog post was inspired by the Holy Spirit.