Monday August 12, 2024,
Dear Diary,
I woke up at 5:30 AM and wrote my blog. At 6:18 AM Tracey’s send me his morning gratitudes: Good morning beautiful🌻🌞
I am grateful for kindness. I am grateful for gentleness. I am grateful for inspiration. I am grateful for motivation. I am grateful for serenity. I am grateful for opportunities. I am grateful for time. I am grateful for love. I am grateful for your love. I am grateful for our love. I am grateful for you Victoria.
It’s a beautiful day and I am so in love with you😁🥰💛💚🙏
I sent mine back: Good morning my sweet man, I am grateful for healing. I am grateful for deep sleep. I am grateful for feeling. I am grateful for writing. I am grateful for Christopher. I am grateful for a new day. I am grateful for dogs. I am grateful for light. I am grateful for darkness. I am grateful for the love we share. I am grateful for our pond. I am grateful for the banana hut. I am grateful for you Tracey. We share a unique special bond and I am so very grateful for it. 💚🦋💛🦨
I called Tracey to tell him good morning and I let out the chickens, ducks and geese. I got off the phone and took a morning nap. I woke up again at 8:45 AM. I finished editing my blog and posted it. I woke Angel up and told her it was time to get up and get ready to go. She was going to stay the night at Peggy’s, her adopted grandma, after I finished my cleaning opportunities. I walked to the house, I said good morning to Christopher who was working on building his front porch. I made tea and a smoothie, my smoothie today had 8 ripe bananas, strawberries and fresh made pineapple juice. I made Angel a waffle and got ready to go. It was almost time to leave and Angel still hadn’t come inside. I went to the banana hut to see what was going on. She was in there playing. I told her I was almost ready to leave. She went running into the house, ate her waffle and got ready to go with me.
On our way to my first cleaning, I dropped Bits off at Tracey’s. He was outside hanging out with the goats when I arrived. I gave him a hug and started to drive back out the gate when I saw Bits running around the truck. My heart jumped, I was so glad I didn’t run over him. I immediately stopped and got out. I yelled for Tracey and told him that Bits was following me. He walked over and got him and said he was going to take him inside.
When I arrived at my cleaning opportunity, my client was there and we talked for a few minutes. This is my last time cleaning for her. I told her I had decided to live half the year in Idaho and half in Texas. She said to let her know when I come back to Texas and she might have some opportunities for me to clean. That would be great! I got started cleaning and Angel got started on her schoolwork. She did a great job on her schoolwork. Her reading is quickly improving and she happily did her required 9 pages.
As I was cleaning, I suddenly got hit with a huge wave of fear about lack of money. I didn’t know how I would make enough money to survive by living half in Idaho and half in Texas. The fear was mixed with all kinds of other feelings such as anger and jealousy and hopelessness. I stayed present with the feelings and allowed them to be, even though they were really strong and intense. I had no idea how I would be able to process so much fear. I realized that in the past when I had lack of money fears, I would soothe myself by reminding myself that I always had more than enough and I was good at creating money. All that soothing had eased the fear but it also had prevented me from feeling it fully, that’s why the fear kept coming back. The fear today was really intense due to all the years of repressing it. I prayed for guidance and stayed present with the fear even though I thought it would be too much for me. It wasn’t.
I messaged Tracey about experiencing lack of money fears and he sent me encouraging messages meant to help ease my fear. I was getting mad about that because I wanted to feel the fear fully and not soothe it. I was fully immersed in wallowing in my suffering and I liked it 😂. I shared all of that with him and he thought it was great.
Amazingly, within an hour of being present with my fear, it processed fully and transformed into a beautiful feeling of trust and faith. I began receiving clarity and was filled with peace and well being. Stepping into faith and not having a set plan on how to create money while living in 2 different states is going to be a fun experience. I am looking forward to free falling, knowing that unexpected and wonderful opportunities are going to come my way. I am a planner and organizer. Not having a set plan is new to me and I’m excited about experiencing a new reality.
At my next cleaning opportunity. I talked to my clients for a while. It was my last time cleaning for them also. Angel watched Paw Patrol on the TV while I cleaned. I’m not a fan of Paw Patrol but oh well. I enjoyed cleaning and did an extra thorough job. I’m really going to miss all of my clients. They are all such wonderful people.
When I finished cleaning, I stopped at La Carretta to get Angel a quesadilla and me a vegetarian omelet. Then I drove to Thrall to meet up with Angel’s adopted grandma Peggy. I ate the omelet while we waited for Peggy to arrive. It felt heavy on my stomach and wasn’t digesting well. Peggy arrived and Angel went with her to stay the night.
I drove to Rockdale and stopped to pick up a check from the MDD office for cleaning. They were closed even though it was only 4:30 PM. I drove to the Episcopal church to pick up a check for cleaning there. I could find my check and I messaged the church treasurer asking about the check. Then I drove to Tracey’s.
At Tracey’s, we sat together on the couch and talked. I wasn’t feeling good and I laid down with my feet on his lap and decompressed for a while. Then we went to town to find boxes to use for packing. First we stopped at the Episcopal church. The church treasurer had messaged me back letting me know where the check was and I got it. We found a bunch of great boxes behind Moon Brew Coffee. Then we stopped at the Lutheran church to see if there was a check ready for me there but there wasn’t one. We went to Walmart and I got some coconut water and a kombucha. Lastly, we ate Joe’s Italian restaurant, we both had a Greek salad. I thought the lettuce might help my stomach and it did.
When we got back to Tracey’s, I fed the ducks, chickens, turkeys, goats and dogs the complimentary bread rolls we got at the restaurant. Then Tracey and I went swimming at the pond. I did a full body relaxation session and stretched. I held onto to Tracey while he walked around the pond. It was beginning to get dark and my phone started ringing, so I got out to check it in case it was Peggy calling about Angel. It wasn’t Peggy, it was a lady calling me about pet sitting. She left a message and I called her back when Tracey and I got back to his RV. She wants me to pet sit for 3 days at the end of October. I had planned on leaving Texas in mid October but I told her I would consider staying later and I would let her know.
Tracey made tea and I stayed over at his place. We went to bed and talked and cuddled and fell asleep at around 11:30 PM.
Thank you for reading my blog and being a part of my life. I appreciate you.
Love, Victoria
P.S. this blog post was inspired by the Holy Spirit.