Saturday August 3, 2024
Dear Diary,
I woke up at 4 AM. Tracey was asleep on the floor. I asked him if he wanted to get in bed. He crawled into bed and I asked how he was feeling. He said he was still feeling nauseous and dizzy. I wrote my blog until 4:45 AM, then I got Angel up, made her waffles and got ready to go kayaking. I hugged Tracey goodbye and told him I would be back later.
I took Angel to my friend Rachele’s and dropped her off. Then I drove to Somerville to meet up with my kayaking crew. My friend Alan is amazing. He puts these kayaking adventures together. He provides the kayaks and everything everyone needs except food, we bring our own food. Alan checks the water levels, decides which river or creek we will go on, scopes out the route and finds the access points to put in and take out. Then to top it all off, his wife and son meet us at our take out point, help us get out and load up the kayaks. I am very grateful for Alan and his family for all they do so that we can go on these kayaking adventures.
There were 3 of us going today. Alan, Rosie and myself. We put in at Yegua creek, which was running high and seemed more like a river than a creek. The water was moving fast. We got on the water at 7:15 AM. The sun was coming up and we were heading east straight towards it. It was a beautiful morning to be on the river. Starting out, we had to maneuver through an obstacle course of trees. Since the river was high, we were maneuvering through the branches. This was an area rarely traveled by humans and there were hundreds of beautiful spider webs spread throughout the trees, with gorgeous orb weavers sitting in the middle. There were smaller fishing spiders hanging from the tree branches. Several times I got caught up in the branches and fishing spiders would be crawling all over me and the kayak. They are harmless and I calmly swiped them off. Amazingly, they have the ability swim across the water to safety.
The first half of the 15 mile was busy. We went over 3 small damns and zigzagged between trees. The 2nd half was uneventful and even though the water was moving fast, it seemed to drag on. We didn’t stop to eat because there were no good gravel bars to stop at and the banks were slick and muddy. Thankfully I had stopped at a gas station that morning and grabbed a package of nuts and dried fruit. At one point while on the river, I became weak and needed some calories since I hadn’t eaten breakfast. I could not get to the storage compartment where my smoothie was kept without stopping and getting out, so the fruit and nut pack was all I had available to eat. It did the trick and gave me the energy I needed to complete the journey. We paddled steadily the last half of the journey to make good time. It was getting hot out. While going through sunny stretches, I would splash water on myself to keep cool. The scenery and tranquility on the river was beyond words. My mind followed suite and was quiet and calm. I was filled with gratitude and love and felt so very blessed.
When we reached our take out point. Alan’s wife and son were there waiting for us. They helped us out of the river and the first thing I did was start drinking my smoothie. I was hungry. We had been on the river for 5 hours and I had burned a lot of calories. Alan and his son loaded up the kayaks while us women did the lighter work.
On the drive to Somerville we shared what we experienced and even though it had been a challenging adventure at times, we all agreed that the challenges are what make it a great adventure. That can be applied to everyday life as well. It’s life’s challenges that make it rich and fulfilling.
We arrived in Somerville at around 1 PM. We all hugged goodbye and Alan said he was going to start planning our next adventure. Yay! I picked up Angel from Rachele and drove to Tracey’s. Tracey was still not feeling 100% and was experiencing an emotional detox along with the physical detox. I gave him a hug and laid down to take a nap while Angel watched a movie on her DVD player. I slept hard and when I woke up it was time to leave again to get some things done before my play that evening. Tracey was starting to feel better and said that Angel could stay with him. Angel was excited about that and started making plans about all the things they would do.
I drove home and made a smoothie and waffle mix to take to Tracey’s. Then I went to do my farm sitting opportunity. It was my last day of doing it and after I took care of the animals, I bathed in the creek.
On the way to the play, I picked up a fellow actor who needed a ride. We arrived 45 minutes before the play started and that was plenty of time to get into costume and practice my lines. The play went great. We had a good audience and we all remembered our lines. Each time we do the play we elaborate more and more on our characters and it’s a lot of fun. We have 3 more performances. A Sunday matinee in Cameron tomorrow and next weekend we have a Saturday evening performance and Sunday matinee at the Kay theater in Rockdale. I think we are going to have a really big audience in Rockdale.
When the play was over, I drove to Tracey’s. Angel had a great evening with him swimming in the pond. They had gone to the store and Tracey’s bought her floaties to have in the water. She loved that. I greeted everyone with a hug. Then I tucked Angel into bed and put on an audiobook for her to listen to. Tracey and I went outside and looked at the stars for a while. It was a new moon and the night sky was bright with stars. Then we went inside and talked. We were both having a lot of emotional triggers. We had moved really fast in our relationship and I kept feeling like I needed space to work some things out and get clarity. Things were getting heated and I couldn’t see a resolution. I fell asleep late into the night.
Thank you for reading my blog and being a part of my life. I appreciate you.
Love, Victoria
P.S. this blog post is inspired by the Holy Spirit.
Sunday August 4, 2024
Dear Diary,
I woke up at 5 AM. I wrote my blog. Then Tracey and I talked. We were still experiencing a lot of emotional triggers and I saw no way to resolve things. I told him that we needed to end our relationship. I could clearly see that I wasn’t ready to get into a relationship yet. Christopher and I were still in the process of getting a divorce, plus I was planning to completely change my life by moving to Idaho. I needed to slow things down.
Angel got up and I made her waffles. Then I packed a few things and went home. The banana hut is still my sanctuary and that’s where I knew I needed to go. I let the birds out, collected eggs and put fresh water in their pools. Then I laid down in the banana hut to sleep. I couldn’t sleep because I kept getting a feeling that it wasn’t the right time to move to my grandparents house in Shoshone, Idaho. With Tracey not going with me now, it would be a lot for me to take care of on my own. Paying the mortgage, utilities, my truck payment and utilities would be more than $2,000 a month. That didn’t include food or anything else, plus I would need to buy materials to fix up the house with. Even though I knew that God would provide me with everything I needed, it all felt overwhelming. I started thinking that maybe I would stay in Texas and figure out a place to live. I called my sister Trish and told her what was going on and how I didn’t know if I would move back after all. She suggested that Angel and Inmove in with her and stay for the winter until I figured things out. I started crying because that would be perfect. I love my sister so much and it’s her more than anything that I want to live close to. I felt all the weight of worry fall off of me and I knew without a doubt that I was supposed to go be with my sister. My heart was flooded with joy.
I got up and talked with Christopher a little. I asked how he was doing. He said he was having some dark days but he would be ok. Then I went to Tracey’s to get a few more things. We talked and I told him about my new plans. He cried and we hugged. He said he was really happy for me and helped me load some things into the truck. I drove home, unloaded everything and got ready to go do the play.
On the way to the play, I dropped Angel off at my adult daughter house so they could spend the afternoon together. The play went really well. We had the best audience yet. They laughed at everything which got us elaborating on our characters even more. It was a lot of fun. When the play was finished, we all pitched in and broke down the set so it could all be moved to the Kay Theater for our performances next weekend.
After the play, I went and looked at a utility trailer I was thinking of buying to use for my move. It needed a few things but looked like it would work. I talked to guy down from $700 to $450 and I thought that was a great deal. I hooked up the trailer and drove to my adult daughter’s house. I picked up Angel and drove home. I dropped off the trailer and Angel stayed with Christopher while I went to Tracey’s to get more stuff. How had I gotten so much stuff over there in such a short about of time? Tracey and I talked. He was still crying and I assured him that everything was ok. As I was leaving, Rita and Val pulled up. I talked to them for a while and hearted (headed) home.
At home, I unpacked and took a long bath with Angel in the outdoor bathtub. It’s been a while since I’ve bathed out there and it’s such a lovely space I created. I put conditioner in Angel’s hair and combed it out with a fine tooth comb. It had needed a good combing and it looked beautiful when I finished.
We got out of the bath and I braided Angels hair. Then we collected eggs, brushed our teeth and went in the banana hut. We got into bed and Angel told me a story. I wrote my blog and put on an audio book for Angel. We fell asleep at around 9 PM.
Thank you for reading my blog and being a part of my life. I appreciate you.
Love, Victoria
P.S. this blog post was inspired by the Holy Spirit.
Monday, August 5, 2024
Dear Diary,
I woke up at 5 AM. I wrote my blog and let out the ducks chickens and geese at around 6 AM. It felt good to be in the banana hut in my bed with my own energy. I was glad I had created space between Tracey and I so that I could process things and receive clarity. I wrote my blog some more and fell back asleep at 7 AM. At 8:30 AM I woke up again. I had a good morning message from Tracey and I called him. We had a wonderful conversation about how we had triggered each other in a lot of ways and even though we both saw that as a good thing because we both feel it is important to heal our triggers. It was too much all at once and creating space has been helpful for both of us. Now we can move forward at a much slower pace and that is perfect.
I wrote my blog until 10 AM. Then I realized what time it was and I had to leave in 10 minutes for a cleaning opportunity. I went in the house and made tea and a smoothie. Angel had eaten breakfast that Christopher had made her. I made her a couple of quesadillas for lunch and we hearted (headed) out. Bits stayed at home and I assured him I would be back.
I was 20 minutes late for my first cleaning opportunity but they were fine with it. Angel decided to read some children’s books for her schoolwork and I thought that was a great idea. She read out loud to me while I cleaned and I enjoyed listening to her. Tracey sent me a message sharing his gratitudes. I loved that! I sent one back sharing my gratitudes. They were:
I am grateful for awareness and clarity.
I am grateful for triggers. I am grateful for continued connection. I am grateful to be renewing our relationship with more mindfulness. I am grateful for self care. I am grateful for slowly moving forward. I am grateful for giving myself space. I am grateful that everything is love. I am grateful to have you in my life. I am grateful for our beautiful connection. I am grateful for my inner guidance and wisdom.
Thank you! ♥️
My next cleaning opportunity was for my friend Debbie. She was there when I arrived and we talked for a few minutes. It is the last time I will clean for her. She had bought me a beautiful throw blanket as a going away gift and wrote me a really sweet card. I teared up because her card had such wonderful kind words and she had been so thoughtful in buying me a gift. The blanket she bought me had little plants on it and she said it reminded her of me.
Debbie left to take her dog to the vet and Angel did an activity book while I cleaned. Debbie’s husband was there and he sat in the living room with Angel and talked with her. He had raised 3 girls and he really enjoys children. When I finished cleaning, he stood outside and talked with me and he was almost in tears about us moving away. I assured him that we would come visit and gave him a hug. Just as I was pulling out, Debbie pulled up and we said a teary goodbye.
On my way home, I stopped and picked up my quilt that was finished. At home, I picked up Bits and drove to Tracey’s. I was taking him to meet a friend of mine that is also named Debbie. I will be pet sitting for her and her wife starting August 15. She wanted to meet Tracey and have him meet their dogs. So when I pet sit for them, they will feel comfortable with him coming over to see me while I’m there. Before we left to go to Debbie’s, I gave him the quilt I made that I had just picked up. He loved it.
When we arrived at Debbie’s, of course all of the dogs loved Tracey. We talked and interacted with the dogs. Debbie showed me the plants that would need to be watered and fed their longhorn cows. Angel climbed a tree and we all had a lot of fun.
When we left, we went through the car wash and stopped at the store. Then we went to Tracey’s and went swimming in the pond. Angel loves her new floaties and we had fun goofing around on them. I floated on my back and did my stretches. We got out and walked to Tracey’s. Angel played on her phone, while Tracey and I talked. We had both healed the things triggering us and it was great to be able to laugh and have fun together again.
It was getting dark when Angel and I got home. I unloaded groceries and put them away while Angel talked to Christopher. Then we brushed our teeth and went to the banana hut. My friend Brett called and I told him about our new plans of moving to Council. He was glad to hear it. Angel and I got into bed. I wrote my blog while she listened to an audiobook. Tracey called and we had a nice goodnight conversation. I got off the phone and went to sleep at around 10:30 PM.
Thank you for reading my blog and being a part of my life. I appreciate you.
Love, Victoria
P.S. this blog post was inspired by the Holy Spirit.