6 Days, Depression and Sunshine

January 23-29, 2024

I woke up at 4 a.m. I still had the feeling of nausea (oh alcohol, you are not my friend). Despite that, I was happy to be in my cozy banana hut. Christopher had turned on the light and heater for me before I came home last night and it looked so welcoming when I came in to go to bed. I laid there attempting to go back to sleep but after an hour passed, I knew I wasn’t going back to sleep and wrote my blog until it was time to get up. I considered taking a rest day since I was still feeling nauseous but I didn’t want to take another day off. 

Angel woke up and we went into the house together. I got ready to go clean houses, when 15 minutes before it was time to leave Angel said she wanted to go with me. I knew she had missed me while I was gone and wanted some momma time. I told her to hurry and get ready, which is not easy for her because she gets easily distracted. With a lot of reminders, she made it on time and we headed out. 

At my first house, Angel did her schoolwork while I cleaned. I was feeling really tired and I still didn’t feel recovered from drinking. This was day 3, when I drank a lot less a couple of weeks ago, it took 2 days to recover. I never want to touch the vile stuff again. I have no need for alcohol in anyway, it has NEVER added to the quality of my life and it dims my light. I choose to let my light shine fully. 

I dragged through the day and managed to clean 4 houses and go to the laundry mat. I still couldn’t tolerate solid food and throughout the day I sipped on fresh pineapple juice that Christopher had made. When I arrived home, I went straight to bed and slept hard for a couple of hours. When I woke up, I was cold and got in Angel’s leftover bath water. I dozed in the bath until Christopher came out to take his shower. 

Later on we gathered in the banana hut and I read 3 chapters from Hank the Cowdog book 8. Christopher and Angel went in the house and I wrote my blog. I had a lot of days to catch up on and I ended up writing until 12:30 a.m. and I got 90% of it written. It still needed to be edited with pictures added but at least it was written. 

I woke up at 3:30 a.m. to the ducks quacking around the banana hut, somehow they had gotten out of their nighttime pen and they were noisy. I wasn’t able to get back to sleep. At 5:00 a.m. I started writing more of my blog until it was time to get up at 6:00 a.m. I went in the house and greeted Christopher and made hot lime water. I still felt nauseous and I’d been having pain under my right ribs. Angel got up and got ready to go with me. She was in a mood and was being really sassy. I told her she had awfully big pants for being a little thing. 

At my first house, Angel did her schoolwork but she fought it and argued and complained. She managed to get it all done and as I was finishing up cleaning she decided to climb all over my clients living room coffee table. I didn’t know what had come over her because she knows how to behave when I’m cleaning. She’s been coming with me since she was a young child. I sent her to the car while I finished. 

We went to the library for story time. Ms. M’s husband met me there with her since he had taken her to an appointment. She enjoyed watching the kids during story time and I talked with another mom that is also in our homeschool co-op. When story time was over, we stayed for a while and let Angel play with the kids. I edited my blog and got it posted. Yay! 

When it was time to deliver newspapers, we went over to the Rockdale Reporter. Angel stayed there and Ms. M rode with me while I did my route. I put on the John Denver station for her to listen to and we sang songs together in between deliveries. The deliveries seem to take a long time this week but it was probably because I was so tired. When I got back to the Reporter, Angel was excited to show me a book she had written while I was gone. It was called Wild Girl and was about a wild girl named Sulee. I loved that she was excited about writing a book. I have several stories from my childhood that I have written. 

We headed to my last house to clean, it was the hardest house to clean out of all my houses. I was so tired, I thought about calling my client and rescheduling but I told myself to just get it done. When I arrived it was dirtier than usual. I started cleaning the back room when I heard noises in the other part of the house. I went to investigate and Angel was running up the stairs and throwing her plastic beaded necklace off of the balcony. Little plastic beads were shattering everywhere when they hit the tile floor. What in the world?!?! I told her to stop immediately and had her start picking up the beads. I did not need more of a mess to clean up. We went over the rules and I told her I expected her to behave. I went back to cleaning. I was feeling so tired and frustrated. I just wanted to crawl into bed until I was fully rested and felt better. I was getting close to being finished when I heard noises on the stairs again. I went to investigate and Angel was sliding down the stairs head first. That child has lost her mind today! I’d had it with her misbehaving. I don’t know why she was testing the rules, but I was over it. I sent her outside to play until I was done. My client came home just as I was finishing up, the house had taken 2 hours longer than usual to clean but it looked great when I was finished. 

When we got home at 6:30 p.m. Christopher was not home, he was in the woods with his friends. I made Angel her dinner and we went straight to bed. I fell asleep at around 8 p.m. and woke up again at 10 p.m. I couldn’t get back to sleep so I listened to an audiobook called Embraced by Light by Betty Eadle. I fell asleep again around midnight and slept restlessly throughout the rest of the night. 

I woke up Thursday morning at 4:30 a.m. I laid in bed listening to my audiobook. I got up and went in the house for a while, then came back and listened to my audiobook some more until 7:30 a.m. when Angel woke up. Riding lessons were canceled due to the rain so it was nice to have a slower morning. I was still not feeling like my high energy vibrant self. 

At 8:30 a.m. we left to pick up my grandson, then get Ms. M and go to homeschool co-op. At co-op the kids did a science project with glass jars. They observed different tones from different size jars and how adding different amounts of water changed the tones. I enjoyed talking with the other moms even though I felt like I was dragging and had pain under my right rib and in my back. 

When co-op was over, I took Ms. M to get her hair done. Angel and my grandson played while we waited. After her appointment, I took Ms. M to her house and drove home. I put the kids in Christopher’s care and fell asleep in the banana hut. I woke up a couple of hours later to eat dinner and take a bath. I had overslept and realized that I had missed dinner and a bath. I went back to bed, Christopher came in and laid his hands on me and did energy work on me. I didn’t know what was causing the pain under my right rib and I was feeling depressed. I still hadn’t been able to eat and had been drinking only fresh juice. I kept thinking I should be healed from drinking that alcohol by now. I prayed for answers and strength. 

My grandsons mom came and picked him up and Angel slept in Christopher’s house. I did some research and realized it was probably my pancreas acting up. I knew that drinking fresh juice and flushing it out was what I needed to keep doing. I went back to bed and fell asleep around 9 p.m.

I slept hard through the night and woke up early Friday morning…..it was my birthday but I was not feeling joyful about that. I was still deep in depression. I cleaned an empty house and it was a long day and nothing exciting happened. It was still rainy and drizzly and I continued to feel depressed. 

Saturday morning I had a drop in pet sitting job in the early morning and cleaned the rest of the day. That afternoon during my last house to clean, the sun came out which was a beautiful sight. While finishing up my last house, I felt a sort of “pop” behind my right rib cage and I instantly felt better. Whatever had been going on in there cleared up as I knew it would and it was a huge relief. 

When I arrived home from work, Christopher and I got ready to go to a gala dinner for Milam County Community Theater and Angel stayed the night with my adult daughter. They said they would have non meat items available at the dinner but they didn’t. I ate a tiny bit of potatoes but they tasted bad like they were cooked in animal fat. They had overcooked asparagus in butter that I ate some of and I didn’t eat the salad I was looking forward to eating because it was full of bacon. I was hungry and my stomach started hurting again from the little bit of food I did eat. I wished I would have brought my own food. We didn’t stay long and went straight to bed when we got home. 

Sunday morning, I woke up early and wrote my blog. I was days behind and wanted to get caught up. After writing for a couple of hours, I practiced the song I was singing at church and got ready to go. 

I stripped my bed to put on clean sheets but there weren’t any clean sheets. I found out they were still in the laundry room waiting to be washed. I didn’t want to go to the laundry mat on my one day off but now I had 2 sets of bedding to wash and it wouldn’t all fit on the clothesline. I decided to make the best of it and just get it done when I got out of church. 

Church went well, it was good to see everyone. Singing went ok, I kept missing notes and my voice cracked a few times. Oh well, sometimes that happens. My stomach was starting to feel better again but I still felt stuck and depressed. After church I went to the laundry mat. A friend called and we talked on the phone a while. My adult daughter brought Angel to me while I was at the laundry mat. Angel wasn’t feeling very good and we sat in the truck together while waiting for the laundry. I talked to my sister on the phone about feeling depressed. I knew she would be understanding and she was. She kept telling me she loved me and I started crying. I miss her so much and wish that we lived closer together. I feel so alone and isolated from most of my family. My heart longs to go home to Idaho but I don’t see how that can happen. I decided I will just visit more often. 

When I arrived home, Angel ate some watermelon and laid down in the banana hut. It was a beautiful sunny warm day and I sat outside in the sun the rest of the afternoon. Christopher sat with me and I could feel the sun working its magic on me, clearing up the cobwebs of depression. I love the sun so much. After a couple of hours of sun bathing, I started a bath and made a salad. I ate my salad while I soaked in the warm bath water. Then I talked to my son Shawn on the phone and we had a fun conversation. When I hung up with Shawn, I called and left messages with my nephews and my other sister. My other son Scott had texted me early that him and Delany had arrived in Malaysia safely where they were spending 2 weeks on vacation. I was really happy for them. Angel joined me in the bath and seemed to be feeling better. We talked about what she did at her sisters and got washed up. 

After my bath a friend from high school called out of the blue to wish me a happy birthday. We had a fun conversation about things we had done back in high school. I laughed a lot and it felt so good to laugh. As soon as I got off the phone, my other sister called me back and we talked about my upcoming visit with her in Tucson. I will be flying there with Angel at the beginning of March for a 4 day visit. She had just bought a house in Idaho and would be moving back there in April. I was really happy for her and was glad I was getting in a trip to see her in Arizona before she moved. 

I got off the phone, Angel and Christopher joined me in the banana hut and I read 2 chapters from Hank the Cowdog book 8. We said our good nights and Angel slept on the trundle bed next to me. We fell asleep around 8:30 p.m. listening to In The Footsteps of Crazy Horse

Monday morning, I woke up at 4 a.m. I did a full body relaxation and prayed my thanksgivings and gratitudes:

  • I am grateful for sunshine. Thank you for its healing energy. 
  • I am grateful for clean sheets. Thank you for laundry mats. 
  • I am grateful for my family. Thank you for such a wonderful family. 
  • I am grateful for depression. Thank you for time to reflect and lick my wounds. 

I drifted in and out of sleep until it was time to get up and get ready to go to town.  Angel woke up, we made our beds and went into the house. I greeted Christopher, made lime water and a smoothie and headed to town. My client was home at the first house I cleaned. We had fun conversations and she played with Little Bit. She loves dogs and Little Bit was happy he got to come inside, most of the time he has to stay in the truck while I clean and therefore only gets to come with me when it’s not hot out. 

At my next house, my clients weren’t there and I listened to a lady named Carolyn Myss on YouTube. I hadn’t listened to her before but it was good stuff. Cleaning went well and the house looked great when I finished. At my 3rd house, my clients were there and we chatted about skiing while I cleaned. The lady had been a professional skier when she was younger but had only skied in Colorado. I have only skied in Utah and Idaho but never Colorado. 

When I finished my 3rd house, I took care of Ms. M for a couple of hours. She wanted to sit outside in the sun and pull weeds. I was happy to join her, grateful to be outside on such a beautiful day. I meditated as I sat there enjoying the sunshine. It was fun watching the people walking by, there were a lot of people out walking enjoying the lovely weather. 

Christopher had a bath ready when I arrived home. I soaked in the warm water and made plans to renew my focus on fixing up my RV and getting the title for my pop up camper so I can take it out on adventures. Angel joined me in the bath and she told me about her day. We got out and ate dinner. I had a salad and we all shared our gratitudes. After we finished eating, Angel decided on her own that she would do the dishes with me. She got started and was having so much fun, she told me that she didn’t need my help and would do them all herself. I wasn’t going to argue with that! I cleaned the rest of the kitchen while she scrubbed away. We all got ready for bed and met in the banana hut. I read 2 chapters from Hank the Cowdog book 8. Then we said our good nights, Angel slept in Christopher’s house and I went to sleep right away at around 8:30 p.m. listening to Prayers to Fall Asleep Quickly on YouTube. 

Thank you for reading my blog and being a part of my life. I dearly appreciate you. 



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