Monday, July 15, 2024
Dear Diary,
I woke up at 5:30 AM. I had slept deeply. I finished editing and writing my blog. I had completed three days of blog posts and was currently up-to-date. I added pictures and posted it. At 7 AM I got up and woke Angel up. I folded up my hammock and put our sleeping bags in their bags. I folded up Angels cot and put it back in George’s garage. George was up and about. I told him I wouldn’t be back until after I picked up Peggy from the airport at 9 PM. He said he would be OK and was going back to sleep for a while.
I cut a dragon fruit in half for Angel to eat on the drive. We got in the truck and drove to my farm-sitting opportunity. When we arrived, I took care of the animals and Angel petted the dogs. Last night one of the older dogs named Abby that usually goes inside at night was not there. The owner said that sometimes the inside dogs are running around and don’t want to go in at night and that’s fine. This morning, I still didn’t see Abby. I called for her and looked around all over and there was no sign of her. That got me concerned. I was hoping nothing had happened to her. I sent the owner a message letting them know that Abby hadn’t been around last night or this morning. She messaged me back saying to let her know if Abby is around this evening and I told her I would.
I drove home and greeted Christopher. I made my tea and left to do a couple of cleaning opportunities. Angel and Bits stayed home with Christopher. I arrived at my first cleaning opportunity right on time. My client/friend had messaged me yesterday asking if I would be willing to just do the floors instead of a full house cleaning. I had told her a few weeks ago that she had that option for a discounted price if she needed it. I was grateful to do just the floors. It has been quite a busy whirlwind since I started driving back-and-forth to Round Rock twice a day. Thankfully today is my last day and I am grateful for that. I will think twice and spend time in prayer and meditation before taking something like this on again 😊.
It was fun just doing the floors and it gave me the opportunity to move furniture and do an extra good job. My next cleaning opportunity went well also. When I finished, I drove out to meet the man that I did pet sitting for that has the two dogs and the puppies and the goat that liked to butt me with his head. I had never actually met the man before and I was interested to see if he looked like how I pictured him in my head.
He looked similar to what I imagined but not really. We talked for a while and he paid me for all the extra time I spend coming there. He is leaving again at the end of September and wants me to take care of the animals again at that time.
I drove home and when I arrived, I greeted Christopher, Angel and the dogs. Bits was super excited to see me. Christopher mentioned that he didn’t think I had been feeding the goats correctly. He doesn’t like me to feed the animals because I don’t do it exactly the way he does it. I feed them regardless of Christopher’s criticism because I love doing it and his criticism doesn’t bother me anymore. He can be how he wants to be and I can be how I want to be.
I fixed one of my zero-gravity chairs that was falling apart and then I swam in Angels pool with her. I got out and sat for a while watching the animals. Tracey sent me a message sharing with me how he really felt about me. I already knew how he felt because I was feeling the same way about him. Through our friendship we had developed a deep love and appreciation for each other. I told him how I felt about him. It felt good to get it out in the open. We had been very careful to keep things at a friendship level. Now, we let it all out and it was wonderful. I realized that I had never had a connection like this with Christopher. Christopher and I are focused on completely different things. When I stopped smoking marijuana and drinking in February. Christopher and I no longer had anything in common. I am focused on living a purposeful life, I have no desire to numb myself with alcohol or get high and zone out. I desire to be fully sober and conscious at all times. I choose to fully feel my feelings and not “hide” from them in anyway. I clearly saw that my relationship with Christopher needed to end, dragging it out hoping things would get better was not the solution. Being with Christopher is dimming my light and I desire to shine. I am done with being told what’s wrong with me and having all my failings being constantly pointed out. I am done with walking around on eggshells in order to not trigger Christopher. I am done having my creative artist flow snuffed out. I am done distorting myself. I have been allowing my light to be dimmed and I take full responsibility for that. I now choose to allow my light to shine fully and unapologetically. Christopher and I have been struggling long before Tracey and I became friends.
I sat and prayed for guidance on how to navigate ending things with Christopher. I prayed that it would be a blessing for everyone involved. Angel wanted me to read to her. We went in the banana hut and I read her a story. Then she laid next to me while I took a nap. I slept for 45 minutes and when I woke up it was time to go to my farm-sitting opportunity and pick up Peggy from the airport. I messaged Tracey to see if he wanted to go to my farm-sitting opportunity with me. He said yes.
I drove across the highway with Angel and Bits to pick up Tracey and we went to my farm-sitting opportunity. We fed and watered the animals. Then Tracey and I searched for Abby while Angel stayed at the house on her phone. We scrambled through the woods following an animal trail until we couldn’t go any farther. Then we stood appreciating the woods. Listening to the sounds and enjoying the smells. We saw a vulture hovering around a tree and Tracey noticed a baby vultures head peeking out of a nest. It took me a while to see it but Tracey talked me through it and I finally saw it. It looked so cute and innocent.
We didn’t find Abby and I had a feeling she had gone off somewhere to die 😔. I messaged the owner letting her know that I still hadn’t been able to find Abby. As we were driving down the long driveway to leave. I stopped at a little creek. Tracey, Bits and I got out while Angel stayed in the truck playing on her phone. We waded in the water and followed the creek downstream for a ways. Tracey and I are still friends like we had always been but there is a new level of openness between us. Neither of us are interested in me cheating on Christopher. Neither of us want to create that kind of negative energy. Our love is full of innocence and playfulness and gratitude. It’s exactly where it needs to be at this time.
I dropped off Tracey and headed to the airport to pick up Peggy. I had driven about 20 minutes when Peggy called me and said that her flight was delayed and she wouldn’t be arriving in Austin until 12:30 am. She said to not worry about picking her up, she would get an Uber but she wondered if I would stop by and spend some time with George. I suggested that I stay another night there since it was already after 8 pm. She liked that idea.
I drove to Round Rock and practiced my songs for the musical on the drive. We arrived at around 9:30 pm and greeted George. He was glad to have us there even if we were going to bed soon. Angel talked with George and I talked on the phone with Tracey while I set up the hammock and cot out back. Then Angel and I went to bed and fell asleep at around 11:30 pm.
Thank you for reading my blog and being a part of my life. I appreciate you.
Love, Victoria
P.S. this blog post was inspired by the Holy Spirit.