Friday, July 12, 2024
Dear Diary,
I woke up at 6:30 AM. I slept so good in the hammock. I want to start sleeping in the hammock again. When Angel was about two years old, both of us spent a year sleeping in hammocks. Even when I traveled, I would bring our hammock with their frames and set them up at night.
Sleeping outside in Round Rock is a lot noisier and brighter than out in the country. The energy is completely different I enjoyed the difference and fell asleep, listening to the neighbor dog bark. It was such a lovely comforting sound. I got slightly cold in the night. I will bring another blanket from home.
When I woke up, I laid in my hammock and wrote my blog. I heard George moving around in the house so I got up and said good morning to him. He was on his computer and said that he was going to go back to sleep in a few minutes. I told him I was going Rockdale, but I would be back this afternoon for a couple hours before I left again to go to play practice.
Little bit and I got in the truck. Before driving, I finished the last touches on my blog and posted it. I drove to HEB and bought groceries. I got a couple of sugar kiss melons, fresh squeezed orange juice and coconut water for Christopher. It was nice going to an H-E-B. They have such awesome produce.
After shopping, I continued on to Rockdale to pick up Ms. M. She was ready to go when I arrived and we drove to my farm sitting opportunity way out in the country past Milano. It was a beautiful drive. Ms. M loves to go on drives. She points out things she sees and looks all around. When we arrived, Ms. M and Bits stayed in the truck with the a/c on while I did the farm chores. I could see the truck the whole time and kept an eye out to make sure Ms. M didn’t get out and wander off. We were in the middle of a meadow so there was nowhere she could go where I couldn’t see her. She enjoyed watching me walk around doing the farm chores. I would wave at her and she would wave back.
When everything was finished, we went to my house. I got Ms. M settled inside. Christopher came in and I talked to him a few minutes. I went outside and put freshwater in the birds pools and collected eggs. I fed the chickens and goats. I went inside again with Christopher and Ms. M and made two smoothies. One smoothie was cantaloupe and sugar kiss melon. The other smoothie was bananas, turmeric, cacao, spirulina, and fresh pineapple juice. I cleaned up the kitchen and took a quick bath.
I took Ms. M home to Rockdale and drove to Round Rock to be with George for a couple of hours before I had to leave for play practice. George talked to me for a while. I folded some laundry and put away clean dishes. Then I made him something to eat. While he ate, I recorded my lines so I could make good use of my time and listen to them on the drive back-and-forth to Round Rock.
At 4 PM I left to go to play practice. I listened to my lines and practice them on the drive. I also listened to one of the songs I have to sing for the play since it’s a musical and I practiced singing it. My friend Rita texted me and asked if I would put away their animals for the night. With my hands-free system, I texted back saying I would. Then I texted my friend Tracey telling him I would be there later on to help put the animals away. He texted back saying I didn’t have to, since I already had a lot going on. I told him I would pray about it and I did. I received a “no” to going. I didn’t like that answer so at a stopping point I flipped a coin and I still got a “no”. I decided I would see how I felt after doing play practice and my farm sitting opportunity
A lady sent me a text message saying that her husband was coming by to get eggs. I messaged Christopher letting him know. I didn’t hear back from him. A while later, the lady messaged me that her husband was there at the gate. I tried calling Christopher and messaged him again, but still didn’t get a response. The lady messaged me again and said that her husband found two dozen eggs in a bag by the gate. He took a dozen and left the money in the bag. I said that was great. I tried calling Christopher again, but there was still no answer. I didn’t know what was going on. I sent him another text message and tried calling several more times but there was still no response. I was starting to wonder if he was ok. By the time I arrived at play practice in Cameron, I was feeling concerned about Christopher and I was really tired.
Play practice was really stressful and intense. Some of the people were goofing around and not paying attention and others were getting frustrated, including myself. Driving back-and-forth to Round Rock was taking four or more hours a day. All that driving was starting to wear on me. I didn’t know what was going on with Christopher and I was feeling overwhelmed. I called and texted Christopher a few more times but still nothing. My mind started to come up with all kinds of scenarios. Maybe he’s hurt. Maybe he had a heart attack and died. I texted him again saying I was going to come home and see if he was OK.
I left play practice early and drove to my farm sitting opportunity on the way to my house. I wanted to go home first, but I needed to get the animals taken care of before dark. Everything looked good at the farm. I got all the animals taken care of and checked my list to make sure I didn’t forget anything. Then I headed straight home.
When I got home, I could see that the birds coops were not closed up. What in the world was happening? I parked the truck and got out. I heard Christopher say something to me. He was sitting by the fountain in the dark. I walk over there. He asked me why I was home. I told him I had been calling and texting him for hours. I wanted to make sure he was OK. He said that he hadn’t been paying attention to his phone. Then he laughed and told me a story about sitting there watching the cardinals feed the ducks. I was feeling really upset. I closed up the birds in their coops and put the kittens in their kennel. I told Christopher goodbye and drove to Round Rock. On the drive home I called Tracey. I was tired and I was feeling really upset. I knew Tracey would be a good sounding board for me to process what I was feeling.
We had a great conversation. I was able to get some clarity on things just by having someone listen to me. Someone that wasn’t going to judge Christopher or give advice. Listening is the best way to help each other because we receive clarity within ourselves and giving advice just confuses things. Tracey is a wonderful listener who shares his experiences, but never gives advice. By the end of the conversation, we were talking about Michael Singer and his books. We were having fun and laughing a lot. It felt good to laugh.
As soon as I arrived at George’s, I got off the phone and instantly received a text from my sister Missy asking me to call her if I was still awake. I called her and she asked if I would be willing to come and pet sit at her place in Idaho in August. She knew that I was coming to Idaho sometime in August for vacation. I told her I wouldn’t be able to be there until August 22 because I was farm sitting until August 21. She said she was leaving the 19th but she could get it covered until I got there. It would be from August 22 until September 7. I was excited about the opportunity. I would love to stay at her place in Idaho. She has a beautiful view and a cute little house. I will be taking care of her too little black dogs and her chickens. We discussed whether I would drive or fly. She said if I flew in, she could park her Subaru Forester at the airport and mail me her extra key. Then when I arrived, I could get her Forester and use it while she was gone. Perfect! I would look at plane tickets.
When I got off the phone, I went into the house and talked to George for a little while. Then I went to bed outside in the hammock and started looking up plane tickets. I found round-trip tickets for $216. That was a really good deal. I got to wondering if I could fly there the evening of August 21 after I finish my farm-sitting opportunity. I would call tomorrow and see what time the owners are getting home on the 21st and decide from there. I fell asleep at around midnight and I slept restlessly all night
Saturday, July 13, 2024
Dear Diary,
I woke up at 5:30 AM. I had slept restlessly. I wrote some of my blog then I got dressed and checked on George. He was in the TV room watching a movie. I asked him if he had gone to sleep. He said he had slept for two hours And he was going to go sleep some more in a little while. I told him I was going to do some cleaning and farm-sitting and I would be back at around 1 PM.
I went out front with Little Bit to get in the truck. There in the front yard was a beautiful white rabbit. Bits didn’t see it for a minute but when he did, he started to chase it. I called him back and amazingly the rabbit hopped over close to use and started eating the grass. I felt blessed to receive such a beautiful gift.
Little bit and I got in the truck, I stopped for gas and filled up my tank and drove to my farm-sitting opportunity. It was a beautiful drive. The sun was coming up through the clouds. I was still feeling really emotional from being upset last night. I allowed the emotions to be there and I prayed for guidance on how to move forward in my relationship with Christopher.
I drove to my farm-sitting opportunity. Everything looked good there. I gave all the animals freshwater and fed them. I gave the dogs lots of pettings and harvested tomatoes and okra out of the garden.
When I arrived home, I went in the house and greeted Christopher. He didn’t mention anything about ghosting me yesterday and I didn’t say anything to him. I was still feeling angry but I didn’t spew it out onto Christopher. I brought in the groceries and fresh produce. I made my tea and a smoothie. The smoothie was cantaloupe blended with fresh squeezed orange juice and I had bought an H-E-B. I fed the birds and the goats. I put freshwater in the bird pools and fed the dogs and cats.
I drove to Rockdale and cleaned a house. My client/friend shared with me what was going on in her life. Then I shared with her what I was experiencing in my relationship with Christopher. I told her I was praying for clarity. Do I stay or do I go? I love our little farm and so does Angel. If I leave, I don’t know where I would go. I know that if I do leave, leaving in anger is the wrong thing to do. If I do leave, I want it be a blessing for all involved. I know I will receive clarity. Ask and it is given. I have asked and I will receive.
When I finish cleaning, I drove to Round Rock again to be with George. I sat in the TV room with him while talked to me. He talked for quite a while and then went the other room to play his guitar. I practiced the song that I am singing at church tomorrow until it was time to pick up Angel from church camp.
I drove to Rockdale and arrived a few minutes early to pick up Angel. I stopped at the Episcopal Church and set up the altar. I volunteer once a month to set up the altar. It looks so beautiful when it’s all set up. I drove to Cowboy church and dozed off while waiting for the kids to arrive from camp. I woke up to the sound of kids cheering. I sat up and I saw a bunch of kids getting out of a van. I didn’t see Angel. I walked over there to find her. The lady in charge of the children’s program said that, the rest of the kids were coming a little while later. They had stopped to have a bathroom break at a gas station. I waited 30 minutes more and then she arrived. We were happy to see each other. She said she had made a best friend and she had her friends mom‘s phone number that she wanted me to call. I told her we could do that later. We got in the truck and hearted home. Angel told me that she had the most magical moments ever had in her life at camp. She got to ride on a jet ski and it was amazing. When we arrived home, I greeted Christopher and collected eggs. Christopher made dinner and I ate a salad. I took a bath in the pool and Angel took a shower. Then we packed a few overnight things.
We left and I did my farm-sitting opportunity before driving to Round Rock again. We met up with my friend Tracey and he went with to my farm-sitting opportunity. He loves animals and the dogs and cats and goats and chickens all took to him right away. We fed all the animals and filled up their water. Then I dropped off Tracey drove to Round Rock.
On the drive, I called my friend Brett in Idaho and told him that I would be there August 22 through September 14. He was excited and said he would think of some adventures we could go on. Yes! That was exactly what I was hoping for.
Angel fell asleep on the drive and when we arrived, she woke up and we went inside. George was playing his guitar and he was happy to see Angel. We chatted for a few minutes, then went to bed. Angel slept in on a cot in her sleeping bag next to my hammock outside. I laid down and bought our plane tickets. We would be for sure leaving on August 22. The tickets were $216 round-trip ticket for me, $216 round-trip ticket for Angel, $300 round-trip ticket for a Little Bit 😂. Once the tickets were bought, I fell asleep at around 11 PM.
Sunday, July 14, 2024
Dear Diary,
I woke up at 5 AM to Little Bit growling at something. He was looking up at the fence and I could hear something up there. I thought it was a squirrel but when I looked, it was a big rat. We watched it walk along the top of the fence disappearing over in the neighbors yard behind us. I lay there for an hour meditating and then I fell back asleep.
At 7:30 AM I woke up again and got up. I woke Angel up and we went into the house. George was still asleep and we left right away to do my farm-sitting opportunity. When we started out, I asked Angel what she wanted to eat for breakfast and she said that she wanted a smoothie. I looked up smoothie places in Round Rock but since it was early on a Sunday morning, nothing was open. So we went to H-E-B to see what they had. They had some smoothies that were freshly made. Angel got a mango one. She wanted blackberries and blueberries as well. They had dragon fruits on sale so I brought four of them along with some melons and little mangoes. The little mangoes were 50 cents each so I got 12 of them 😁.
We got back on the road and listened to you’re a good man Charlie Brown music on the drive. That is the musical/play that I am in and I practice singing and memorizing the songs. Angel enjoyed listening to it too. When we arrived at my farm-sitting opportunity, Angel petted the dogs while I checked out everything and took care of all the animals. Then we headed home.
Christopher wasn’t home when we pulled up, he was cleaning an office building. Yesterday evening, I had canceled singing at church. I had too much going on with driving back and forth to Round Rock twice a day. I went in the house and I made a dragon fruit/fresh orange juice smoothie for Angel. For myself I made a mango/fresh OJ/fresh pineapple juice smoothie and a banana/turmeric/spirulina/fresh pineapple juice smoothie. Then I made tomato/ginger/celery/carrot/bell pepper/okra juice and pineapple/carrot/apple juice. I cleaned up the kitchen and called my sister Trisha. We talked on the phone while I gave the birds freshwater in their pools and collected eggs. Christopher came home while I was doing that.
I was still on the phone when I loaded everything in the truck and Angel and I left to go to Round Rock. I hung up with my sister and called my son Shawn. I hadn’t gone very far down the road when I realized that I had forgotten my tea at home. I got off the phone with Shawn and turned around and drove back home. It was good that I did because Angel had also forgotten her shoes, her smoothie and her water. We hearted to Round Rock again and I text talk my blog on the drive. I was able to get completely caught up on my blog, which was great.
George was on his computer when we arrived. Angel got on her phone for a while. Then her and George watched Lassie together. I wrote my blog until my friend Sarah arrived. She doesn’t live that far from Round Rock and we were spending the afternoon together. We sat in the front room and talked for an hour or so. We had a really great conversation about loving ourselves and not reaching for anything outside of ourselves for comfort. The Holy Spirit dwells within us and when asked, she will give us the comfort we desire. We also talked about feeing our feelings fully and not trying to numb them in any way. I knew I still hadn’t taken time to sit with my anger and feel it fully. I know that feeling it fully and asking to receive the message it is there to give me with provide me with the clarity I desire.
After we talked, we sat and looked at property for sale. I’ve been looking at property for a few years but I haven’t decided to buy any yet. I desire to have land where I can play and create a masterpiece of beauty. I can’t do that on Christopher’s land. I have to ask for permission before I build a new garden or plant a tree. It all has to fit in with his vision and my vision is secondary to his. My artistic expression is in sculpting the land by creating orchards and gardens. I’ve desired to have a place to do that since I’ve moved out there with Christopher. He has allowed me to do something’s I want but it’s very limited and I am reminded often that it’s his land and he wants things a certain way. I do know one thing. No matter what happens with my relationship with Christopher. I need my own land.
Sarah and I went to H-E-B and got a bunch of fruit. I love the produce at H-E-B. I bought some more dragon fruit and mangos as well as a bunch of other produce. When we got back, Sarah and I gave each other a hug and she went home. It was time for me to leave to go home and do my farm-sitting opportunity. I asked Angel if she wanted to go with me. She was on her phone again in zombie mode and George was on his computer. She said she wanted to stay with George. I asked George if that was ok and he said it was fine.
On the drive, I texted my friend Tracey. He had been in Taylor at a big park with a big pond and I asked if he was still there. He said he had just left but would go back. We met up and walked our dogs around the park. He has a collie dog named Cassie and of course, I have Little Bit. We walked across the park and found a little stream and a swamp. I took pictures of plants to identify and we had fun conversations.
When I left the park, I drove straight home. I greeted Christopher and talked to him about my desire to own my own land. He didn’t like it but I was glad I talked to him about it. Then I quickly bathed in Angel’s pool and drove to my farm-sitting opportunity. I took care of the animals and drove to Round Rock. When I arrived, Angel was still on her phone and George was playing his guitar. I did the dishes and cleaned the kitchen. Then Angel and I went to bed and fell asleep at 11:15 pm.
Thank you for reading my blog and being a part of my life. I appreciate you.
Love, Victoria
P. S. This blog post was inspired by the Holy Spirit.