Saturday August 2, 2025
Morning prayer:
Good morning God,
- Thank you for this day.
- Thank you for summer.
- Thank you for hot springs.
- Thank you for understanding.
- Thank you for love.
I love you!
Dear Diary,
I awoke at 5:45 AM. I got up and went into the kitchen and started doing breakfast prep. We served breakfast and did clean up. Then we went to chapel and I really enjoyed the singing. I left before the sermon started so I could put my feet up and spend time in quiet prayer and meditation. The 45 minutes of rest went by fast and then it was time for lunch prep. We had a lot to prep for lunch since it was pizza and there were a lot of vegetables to chop up. We made 20 or more pizzas and got them set out for lunch.
After lunch was served and we cleaned up. Angel asked if she could go to Warm lake again with her friend. I talked to the parents and they said it was fine. I told them I was going to rest for a while and I would see about joining them later on. Angel and I walked to our cabin together so that she could changes into her swimsuit. My mom was there in her room and said she wanted to talk to me. She was still upset about Angel telling her “no” last night (read previous blog post to know more about that). She was saying again that if she watches Angel then she doesn’t want me overriding her decisions. I reminded her that I did support her decision. She said that I told Angel yes first and that was wrong of me to do. I asked her why this was still an issue because it didn’t need to be. She said that she didn’t want to be in charge of Angel anymore if I was going to override her decisions. Again I reminded her that I had supported her decision and all I had told Angel was that it was fine with me if she played with the kids but that she had to ask her grandma because her grandma was the one watching her. My mom said that was the wrong thing to say, I shouldn’t have said yes first. I could see that this conversation was going no where and I still didn’t understand why this was even an issue. My mom said that she didn’t want to watch Angel ever again if I wasn’t going to support her and started in on telling me about all my parenting fails and that I should never allow Angel to say no or throw a fit and that was why my daughter Savana is the way she is. I had kept my cool until then but then I lost it. Savana is a successful business owner who is doing great with her life but she’s young and figuring things out in her emotional world. I’ve been there myself and it’s part of being young but all my mom appears to see is what’s wrong with the people in our family. I told her that it was best to not have her watch Angel because Angel didn’t like her because she was mean to her and maybe I didn’t have a good example of parenting. Then chaos ensued. We yelled at each other and had a knife fight with our words. We both got some good jabs in. I told her that no one in the family wants to be around her because no one is ever good enough for her, I’m never a good enough Christian, I never go to the right church, I don’t read the right books. I told her that in Gods eyes I’m good enough even if she doesn’t see it. She yelled back saying that I hated God and I wasn’t a good Christian. I told her that is exactly what I was talking about and the argument continued on for a while. I really wanted to leave and so I could get myself together. Finally, I loudly suggested that we pray together. My mom said that was a good idea and we sat down on opposite sides of the bed. I prayed that my mom would love and accept me as I am and that I could love and accept her as she is. Then my mom prayed and her voice softened. After praying we had calmed down and my mom talked for a while about what she went through growing up. I know she had it hard and never learned how to be kind. We hugged and I went on a drive.
I drove up Warm Lake road and the Holy Spirit overcame me. I was flooded with clarity. I saw how I had used my words as a weapon and that I had been unkind. I saw that I still had a long way to go in healing from my childhood and forgiving my mom for severely burning my right leg, abusing and abandoning me. I also saw how much I had healed and forgiven and how far I had come. I was flooded with an abundance of peace and love.
I drove over to the lake to play with Angel and her friend but I could not find where she was and it was almost time for dinner prep so I went back to camp. I searched for my mom to apologize for the unkind things I had said but I couldn’t find her. I started doing dinner prep and my mom came in the kitchen shortly after. I apologized to her and she apologized to me and we hugged.
We served dinner and cleaned up. Then I went to chapel. The singing was fantastic and the sermon was about spiritual gifts. After chapel we had a half hour to get ready for a talent show. I signed up to sing and I quickly practiced my song in my room. I got back to the chapel right before the show started. The talent show was great fun. Angel and her friend did a couple of acts. Other kids did skits and acrobatics, people showed short videos that they made and there was a lot of laughs. I sang my song and thoroughly enjoyed myself.
When the show was over, I visited with people in the dining hall for a while, then Angel and I went to bed. I wrote my blog and we fell asleep right away at 10:30 PM.
Thank you for reading my blog and being a part of my life. I appreciate you.
Love, Victoria
P. S. This blog post was inspired by the Holy Spirit.
P. S. S. This was Saturday, August 2. A lot has happened since then. Stay tuned.