Tuesday August 27, 2024
Dear Diary,
I woke up at 2 AM. I was still not feeling that great. I wrote my blog until 5:30 AM. Then I fell back asleep. I felt Tracey get up but I continued sleeping until 7 AM. The sun had just come up over the mountain and I went outside to see it. Tracey was sitting on the front porch drinking tea and watching the sunrise. I noticed that he had let the chickens out for me. We greeted each other and Tracey asked if I was feeling better. Just then a truck came up the road, I quickly went in the house since I wasn’t dressed. I went to the bathroom and posted my blog. Tracey sent me his morning gratitudes: Good morning beautiful ocean eyes🥰🌞🌻
I am grateful. I am grateful for the opportunity to be helpful when you need rest. I am grateful for this day and whatever it brings. I am grateful for morning stillness. I am grateful for hot on a crisp morning. I am grateful for breath. I am grateful for movement. I am grateful for quiet moments. I am grateful for the present moment. I am grateful for imagination. I am grateful for nature and it’s abundant variety. I am grateful for touch. I am grateful for sounds. I am grateful for vision. I am grateful for smell. I am grateful for God. I am grateful for this time with you and Angel. I am grateful for Cassie and Bits. I am grateful for for Victoria. I am grateful for for these daily new experiences with you. I love and appreciate you. Thank you so much😍💛💚🙏.
I took a shower, got dressed and packed things. I drank my tea that Tracey had made me and I sent Tracey my morning gratitudes: Good morning generous man,
I am grateful for down times. I am grateful for middle of the night quiet times. I am grateful for pet sitting opportunities. I am grateful for mountains. I am grateful for your healing touch. I am grateful for inflammation. I am grateful for ripe bananas. I am grateful for herbs. I am grateful for sleep. I am grateful to sleep next to you. I am grateful for my body. I am grateful for your help. I am grateful for this time with you Tracey. I love you. 💕💚💛🦨🦋.
I woke Angel up and she got in the shower. I made a mango, grape and fresh pineapple juice smoothie. Then I packed it up with other food we would need for the day. We were going to a hot springs with my friend Brett and he said it would be a 2 mile hike uphill to get there. I wanted to make sure we had plenty of food in case it was farther away than Brett remembers it being. I made Angel bread with honey for breakfast. She quickly ate it and we all hearted (headed) to Trish’s.
When we arrived, Tracey walked to the store and I switched the laundry. Brett pulled up and I greeted him. Just then Tracey came back from the store and I introduced them. Then I walked to the store to buy apples to take on our hike. Apples are a great hiking food. When I got back we were ready to go. We all got in the truck and Brett told me how to get to the trailhead. It only took about 20 minutes to drive there which was a lot closer than I expected.
We started hiking up the mountain. Angel was in the lead, full of energy and excited. Brett was next, then me and Tracey. I was still not feeling good from getting motion sickness and eating that pizza last night. My body had inflammation and was sluggish. I wasn’t about to let that stop me from enjoying this adventure and I continued on. The hike wasn’t as steep as I imagined it to be. There were a lot of wild rose hips along the trail and I ate a little bit of that. There were also elderberries and I ate a lot of those. They were slightly sweet and delicious. I could feel them working their magic on my body.
We hiked for a ways then we took a break and sat in the shade eating. I ate an apple and Angel ate some cherries. We all chatted and feeling refreshed we continued on our way. It seemed like we had walked farther than 2 miles when we arrived but it was an easy hike compared to what I thought it would be.
The hot springs was the best Brett has taken me too. There was a gushing waterfall of hot water flowing into the creek as well as trickles of hot water flowing down a rock face. The elderberries had done their job at flushing out my body and I made my way downstream to find a place go to the bathroom. The water was hot way downstream too. I found a discrete spot to relieve myself and instantly felt much better. Thank you elderberries!
I made my way back upstream feeling refreshed. I tried a couple of different pools to sit in but they were too hot. I got in a pool where Brett was sitting and it had just the right mixture of hot and cold. Tracey joined us and rubbed my shoulders, then I rubbed his. Angel ran around checking out the different pools. She went upstream to the cold water and back to where the hot water ran into the creek. It was great watching her explore nature. Trace massaged my arms and legs and we soaked some more. Suddenly I felt a surge of inspiration. I told Tracey that I was to go off by myself and do some writing. Being in the wilderness inspires me. I walked upstream and found a great spot on a log lying across the creek. I started writing when I heard something, I looked up and saw Tracey packing up to leave. He was saying something to me but I couldn’t hear him over the rush of the creek. Then I saw Brett behind me packing up his stuff. I asked him if we were leaving and he said that Tracey was packing up to leave and so he thought it was time. Leaving already? We hadn’t even been here very long and this was an amazing spot. I wanted to stay and soak it in for a couple more hours at least. I got off of my log and walked over to Tracey to see what was going on. He had just been telling me that this was the most amazing place he had ever been and now he was leaving already. It didn’t make sense to me. He was already up the trail when I got over to where he had been but he came back down. I asked if he was leaving and he said he was but we could stay. Well Brett was packing up to go too and I wasn’t going to make them wait at the truck for me and Angel. Besides, I wanted to stay a lot longer, not just a little while longer. I packed up to go and had Angel get ready.
We started walking back and I allowed myself to fully feel the sadness and frustration I was feeling about having to leave so soon. I didn’t put on my hiking shoes and walked barefoot to experience some good grounding and soak up the mountain energy. I hiked along and felt the powerful energy of my feelings. It felt good to feel them. We had almost made it back to the road when we walked across a long sunny stretch of trail. My feet started to burn from the hot dirt and when I couldn’t take it anymore, I stopped and put on my hiking boots. Everyone else went on ahead and I was grateful for the alone time. I allowed myself to cry deeply and it felt amazing. I continued walking and Tracey was waiting for me under a tree. He could see that something was up with me and I told him about my feelings. He gave me a hug and we continued walking. I still had a little bit of cry left and I left it flow as I walked along. Tracey stopped me and gave me another hug. I was all cried out by then and as we continued on, I began moving into a place of acceptance.
Brett and Angel were waiting for us when we got to the truck. We all got in and started back. We ended up following behind a logging truck and it was slow going. I didn’t mind though, we weren’t in a hurry. We made it to Trish’s and Brett left to go home. Tracey went upstairs to lay down while Angel and I went to the thrift store. I was in search of a small bookshelf but I didn’t find one. I did find doggie steps that Bits can use to get up on the tall bed. I found a nice set of cotton sheets for the bed in the motorhome and a few other small things.
When we got back to Trish’s. Angel played on her phone and I laid down upstairs next to Tracey. I fell asleep for a short amount of time until his phone woke me up. We laid together cuddling and I told him about why I had the feelings come up about leaving the hot springs. I crave being in the wilderness and it’s difficult for me to leave it, especially when I have creative energy flowing that I want to write down. One of the main reasons I’m moving back to Idaho is because of the wilderness. The other reason is to be close to my family. Two years ago was when I knew I had to move back to Idaho. I came to visit and went up to Yellow Pine for a harmonica festival. I was camping out with my adult daughter’s dad and his wife and some of their friends. I walked down to the river and my heart broke thinking of leaving and going back to Texas. The land and river was singing to me, telling me to stay. I threw myself in the ice cold water and cried and cried and cried. I didn’t know how I could possibly move back to Idaho. I prayed for a way to open up, so that I could live in Idaho again. For 2 years my heart has longed to move back and the Holy Spirit kept telling me, “not yet”. Then I received the “now” message and here I am. I’m home. The people in Texas have been wonderful to me but it’s time for me to come home.
I got up and started emptying boxes and getting my room organized. Tracey hung out and watched as I set up everything how I wanted it. In the middle of organizing, I messaged my son Scott letting him know that I was thinking of him because I knew he was having his dog Envy put to sleep today. He messaged back saying that they were on their way to the vet. I told him I loved him. I unpacked boxes and put things away for a couple of hours. There was still a lot more to do but I would finish it up tomorrow.
Angel was hungry and I made her a bean and cheese taco. Then I sat outside with Tracey. I tried calling Scott to see how he was doing but he didn’t answer. I got ready to go back to Missy’s. Trish came home from walking her dog Huckleberry. She had gotten home from work earlier and I had talked to her briefly but I had been in the middle of organizing at the time. I talked to her some more for a few minutes and told her I would see her tomorrow.
Tracey, Angel and I hearted (headed) to Missy’s. A wind storm started up on our way there. When we arrived, Tracey made tea and I put the chickens away. Angel got on her phone again and I told her she only had a few minutes on it because she’d been on her phone a couple of hours already at Trish’s. Tracey and I sat outside drinking tea, we watched the wind storm and Bits and Cassie running around on the “big screen”. I call outside the “big screen”. I had Angel come outside and I got a sliver out of her hand. Then she took a shower. I joined her shortly after. When we got out. Angel got dressed and I got in bed next to Tracey. I wrote some of my blog notes, Angel came in and crawled all around the bed. I tucked her in on the couch and put on a sleep meditation for her to listen to. I sat at the end of the couch writing more blog notes. Tracey was listening to a TV show in the bedroom and it was distracting me from writing. After a while, I went in the bedroom and let him know I was sitting in the front room writing while he watched his show, so he would know where I was. He said he would turn his show off. I assured him that he could continue watching it. He turned it off anyway. I got in bed next to him and continued writing. Tracey asked me if I would take him to Fruitvale tomorrow so that he could buy a car. He said that he wanted to drive back to Texas. I told him I would. I had planned on doing school with Angel in the morning but I told him I could do school with her another day. He said that school was important, so I told him I would take him in the afternoon. I wasn’t surprised he wanted to leave. I could see it coming and it’s actually a relief. It will be good for both of us. I want time to be alone with myself and with my family. I also haven’t been able to give Angel all the attention I want to give her and that doesn’t feel good to me. Jumping into a relationship right after separating from Christopher has not allowed me to process everything I need to process. Plus I’m doing a complete life change by moving back home. I need to be in my own energy right now. It feels right. I love Tracey, he is a very kind and thoughtful person but we jumped into things too quickly. Taking a step back is a healthy move.
I finished writing my blog and meditated for a while. I fell asleep at around 10 PM.
Thank you for reading my blog and being a part of my life. I appreciate you.
Love, Victoria
P.S. this blog post is inspired by the Holy Spirit.