2 Days, Fear, Grief, Gratitude and Laughter

Sunday, July 28, 2024

Dear Diary, 

I woke up at 4:15 AM. I saw that I had a text from Tracey and I called him. We talked until 5:30 AM. I wrote my blog and then dozed off. Angel woke up at 7:30 AM and crawled in bed with me. We cuddled together for a while. Then Angel asked if we could go to Tracey‘s. We called Tracey and told him we were coming over in a bit. 

I got up and let out the chickens, ducks and geese. Then we went into the house. Christopher was in bed, not feeling well again. I made Angel waffles for breakfast and for myself, I made tea and a smoothie. My smoothie had bananas, dragon fruit, apple, fresh almond milk and pineapple, juice.  I packed some things to take to Tracey’s to put in the space that he created for us in his RV. Mostly I packed board games and books. 

When we arrived at Tracey’s, he was lying down in the back room. I brought all our stuff in from the truck. I was just finishing up when Tracey got up and we hugged in greeting. Angel was excited to organize her little bedroom. I put the board games away and helped her get her things organized in her space. 

We all went outside together and sat in the bench swing. It was nice swinging and enjoying the view. Tracey got up to do some farm chores and I laid down in the hammock. I was really tired but could not fall asleep because my mind was racing and I was feeling overwhelmed. I went inside and Angel was on her bed playing on her phone. I cried in Tracey‘s arms as I shared with him the fears I was experiencing. I felt much better after releasing all that energy. 

I left to do the play and on the way I stopped by Christopher’s to pack some things and make a smoothie. Tracey brought Angel to the play with him. I could see them sitting out in the audience before the play started and I was glad they were there. The play went great and backstage we could hear Angel laughing and laughing at different parts. It was making us laugh too. 

My adult daughter picked up Angel from the theater when the play was over. Angel is staying the night with her and I am grateful they are getting to spend time together before we move. I talked to Tracey and asked about staying the night at his place since I didn’t have Angel. He was happy to have me stay over. I drove to Christopher’s and got some clothes. He was sitting in the yard drinking beer. I told him that Angel was at my adult daughters overnight and I would be staying overnight at Tracey’s. I put fresh water in the bird pools and collected eggs. 

On the way to Tracey’s, I stopped at a friends. We had fun talking and hanging out. She isn’t happy about me moving but she understands, she’s seen how things have been for me. She is friends with Christopher’s ex-girlfriend and that lady left because of the same issues. 

Tracey and I had a wonderful evening together. We went on a barefoot walk with the dogs. The sand felt great under our feet and we got to pet a horse. Then we went swimming in the pond. When it started getting dark Tracey made tea and we went to bed. It was our first time of staying overnight together and we were excited about it. We talked and laughed and enjoy being together. We finally settled down and fell asleep at around 10:30 PM. 

Monday, July 29, 2024

Dear Diary, 

I woke up at 11:30 PM. My right knee was aching and I was flooded with fear. Tracey woke up when I got up to use the bathroom. I drifted back to sleep for a while and woke up again an hour later still flooded with fear. Tracy got up and let the dogs out. We he came back in, he laid next to me and asked how I was doing. I told him that I was feeling a lot of fear. I started crying and Tracey held me in his arms. I cried big and let the fear be felt fully. After the wave passed, I started talking. As I was talking, I realized that the feeling was not fear, but it was grief. I had a lot I needed to grieve and I was grateful to be processing it. I drifted back to sleep and woke up again at 5 AM and laid there with Tracey until 6 AM. Tracey made me tea and went to watch the sunrise while I wrote my blog. 

When it was time to leave, I packed my smoothie and hugged Tracey goodbye. He is so peaceful and calming to be around. I am very grateful to be sharing my life with him. 

I drove to Rockdale. My first opportunity was washing outside windows. I chatted with my clients briefly and got started. I quickly realized that I had forgotten my squeegee. I attempted to clean and dry a couple of windows without a squeegee but it was taking way too long. I called Tracey and asked if he had a squeegee I could use. He didn’t but he said he would buy one and bring it to me. Yay! I appreciated him being willing to do that. While I waited for him to arrive, I took the screens off all the windows, washed the windows thoroughly and sprayed them off. Then I washed down all the screens. With everything done that I could do until I had a squeegee, I waited by my truck and wrote my blog. I didn’t wait very long before Tracey pulled up. It was great to see him, I thanked him very much for getting a squeegee for me. He left and I got back to finishing up the windows. They looked wonderful when I was done. 

Next, I went to a house cleaning opportunity. My client had warned me that their dog Luna was there outside. Usually she is with their daughter. Luna doesn’t like me because she doesn’t like my cleaning supplies. When I arrived, I was on the phone with Tracey. I didn’t see Luna anywhere, so I got out of the truck and walked to the back. Suddenly there was Luna and she bared her teeth at me. I quickly jumped back into the truck. I got off the phone and grabbed a spray bottle. I got out again and showed Luna my spray bottle. She barked and growled and carried on but she kept her distance. I kept an eye on her as I gathered my supplies and I made it into the house. 

While I cleaned, I listened to a fun talk by a guy named William Donahue on YouTube, that Tracey had sent me a link to. When I finished cleaning, I opened the door to leave and there was Luna waiting in full attack mode. I closed the door and grabbed a spray bottle. I slowly opened the door again and showed Luna the spray bottle. It didn’t even faze her. She was lunging at me, barking and baring her teeth. I sprayed a little bit of windex and it just made her madder. I closed the door again and got a broom. I cracked the door open and showed Luna that I had a big stick. She continued her frenzy. I stuck the end of the broom out the door and she attacked it. I closed the door again. I wasn’t sure how I was going to get to my truck. I messaged my client, letting her know that Luna wouldn’t let me out of the house. I stood there and thought for a minute. I cracked open the door open again and Luna had moved to the other side of the porch. I held out my spray bottle and slowly came out the door. Luna started barking and snarling at me. I yelled at her to stop it. That worked! She ran off and barked at me from a distance. I walked backwards to my truck, keeping an eye on Luna. She was carrying but kept her distance. I loaded my cleaning supplies in the back of the truck and got in. Yay! I made it! 

I hearted (headed) to Tracey’s. My friend Rachele messaged me and asked to come over. I told her I was going to Tracey’s and she said she was on her way. It was great to see Tracey when I pulled up. We hugged and talked for a few minutes until Rachele arrived. Rachele and I sat outside and she shared some things she was going through. Tracey brought tea out to us which was really thoughtful of him. We talked for a couple of hours, then Rachele left and I took a nap. 

When I woke up, Tracey went with me to pick up Angel from my adult daughter. When I went inside I told her that I could fly Angel out to see her a couple times a year if she would like that. She said that she would really like that. Finn and his mom Miranda were there also and it was good to see them. 

When we arrived back at Tracey’s, we all went swimming in the pond. Then I read a few children stories out loud to Tracey and Angel and we went on a walk. Angel and I arrived at Christopher’s at around 9:30 PM. Christopher was sitting outside drinking beer and talking on the phone. I closed up the birds for the night. Then Angel and I went to bed in the banana hut and called Tracey to say goodnight. I put on a unicorn meditation and we fell asleep at around 10:30 PM. 

Thank you for reading my blog and being a part of my life. I appreciate you. 

Love, 

Victoria 

P.S. this blog post was inspired by the Holy Spirit. 

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