Fear, Farm-Sitting, Play Practice and Laughter

Saturday July 20, 2024

Dear Diary, 

I woke up at 11:15 AM and suddenly I was filled with fear. The fear was huge. So many what if’s ran through my mind. What if I was making a huge mistake by moving to Idaho? What if I can’t handle the winters? What if I can’t make enough money there? What if the adjustment of moving is too hard for Angel? Etc, etc, etc….

I wrote my blog attempting to distract myself from the fear. Then I remembered that I am feeling my feelings fully and not hiding, running, distracting or stuffing my feelings anymore. I prayed for guidance as I laid there allowing my mind to have whatever thoughts it needed to have and allowing the fear to be as big as it needed to be. I breathed it all in and then back out and fully relaxed into the process. I know that fear is just inverted love and it has to be felt fully in order to transform into its true self. 

At 3 AM, I fell asleep again and woke up at 6 AM. I let the birds out and laid back down. I really wanted to sleep longer, but it was time to get up and do my farm-sitting opportunity and then go to play practice. Next Saturday is our opening night and we are doing play practice all weekend. It will be a miracle if we get this play put together before next Saturday, but I know we will do it. Tomorrow we are going off book and I still don’t know all my lines. The play is a musical called You’re a Good Man Charlie Brown and I am playing Lucy Van Pelt. It’s a fun role and I am grateful for the experience. 

I woke Angel up and we went into the house. I made her waffles with fresh ground wheat berries. I made myself tea and a cantaloupe/fresh OJ smoothie. We got ready to go and left to go farm sitting.

On the way I picked up Tracey. We took care of the animals and sat enjoying the view for a little while. Then I dropped Tracey off with Bits and hearted (headed) to play practice. Bits wasn’t allowed to come to play practice anymore because we had to stay focused and his cuteness was distracting. 

Play practice was a lot of fun even though people were stressed out and it was hard to concentrate because the stage was being set up. There was a lot of noise and activity going on around us. It was over at around 1 PM and I drove to Tracey‘s to pick up Bits. I was tired from only getting a little over four hours of sleep. I laid down at Tracey‘s and took a short nap. Then Tracey and I talked and laughed while Angel listened to a Bobbsey Twins audiobookTracey and I have the same sense of humor and we get each other laughing until tears are rolling out of our eyes. We have fallen head over heels in love with each other but we are still keeping things between us platonic..ish. Christopher and I are officially over but we still have to legally get that piece of paper saying we are divorced. We’ve already started the process, I sent an email this morning to the county clerk asking about the easiest way to get an uncontested divorce and I should hear back next week. Angel and I will still be staying at Christopher ‘s until we officially move October 1st. Christopher and I talked about it and decided that would be the best way to go about things. August 22 through September 14, Angel and I will be going to Idaho to pet sit for my sister Missy. Tracey will be going too. Then we will come back and I will spend a couple weeks sorting and packing and the official move will be around October 1st. I know I mentioned these dates in a previous blog post, but I want to mention them again in case I have any new readers or someone missed a day of reading. 

We left Tracey’s and drove home. When we arrived, I talked with Christopher about some things and laid down to take another nap. I slept a short amount of time. Then I called my son Shawn, and we talked about me fixing up my grandparents house in Shoshone. It needs a lot of work. The renters that are in there have been in there 12 years or so and have completely trashed it. It will need all new flooring and all the walls and ceiling painted. The bathroom will need to be completely redone. It will need all new appliances and maybe even new cupboards. Once I get it fixed up, I want to put in a woodstove. In the backyard, I want to build a greenhouse and put an outdoor bathtub in there. I am excited about it all. I have enough money saved that I can probably go six months without having to create a source of income. My son has a mortgage on the house that he got in order to buy some land up in the mountains in Utah. So I will need to pay that along with all the utilities. I can keep the cost of fixing up the house fairly low by finding things used. Tracey will also be there and he will help out with the expenses. 

Angel came in the banana hut, and we cuddled and laughed for a while until it was time to leave to go farm sitting. When we arrived, Angel played on her phone while I took care of the animals. Angel likes to come with me and play on her phone because she can connect to the Wi-Fi. We don’t have Wi-Fi at our house and since her phone doesn’t have phone service, she limited on what she can do on it at home. 

After getting home, I took a cold shower and we got ready for bed. Angel and I talked to Tracey on the phone for a while. Then I turned on a unicorn meditation and we fell asleep at around 11 PM.

Thank you for reading my blog and being a part of my life. I appreciate you.

Love, Victoria 

P. S. This blog post was inspired by the Holy Spirit   

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